


C10H12N2O

by kihovely



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Expensive Stuff, M/M, Mentions of drugs, Mentions of past abuse, Pining, Sex, Stripper Hoseok, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Switching, also ki studies chemistry, broke ass college student ki, hyunghyuk happen too, penthouses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 11:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihovely/pseuds/kihovely
Summary: C10H12N2O; Serotonin (/ˌsɛrəˈtoʊnɪn, ˌsɪərə) or 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT) is a monoamine neurotransmitter, and is popularly thought to be a contributor to feelings of well-being and happiness;Or how Kihyun finds his heart in Hoseok.





	C10H12N2O

**Author's Note:**

> rip @ 36k, i spent a lot of time working on this but i've delivered my baby finally askjdh i hope you guys like it<3

Kihyun’s temples are throbbing and his head hurts only two minutes after they’ve entered the club. There are too many people, the music is too loud and he’s suffocating.

He’s been dragged here by his roommates – Changkyun and Minhyuk – and he regrets every second of it. The only reason why he agreed was that he had some free time and to finally try to get some action since he broke up with the asshole of his ex three months ago (and they didn’t even do shit), but he should have known those two would bring him to some place like _this_.

The loud music, a mix between mainstream pop and obstreperous dubstep, is so loud that the glass trembles between his fingers when he orders his drink. He drinks eagerly, expecting the sweet, fruity taste of vodka and juice, but it’s a laden drink and he grimaces in disgust as the alcohol burns down his throat. His stomach complains and he silently hopes he won’t end up with a sick stomach and puking somewhere.

Minhyuk and Changkyun get lost in the crowd while he’s sitting on a stool in front of the dance floor. He spots the younger one grinding on a girl on the dance floor and Minhyuk is nowhere to be seen, but Kihyun is not worried at all, the guy is probably already sucking the life out of some poor boy.

With a heavy sigh, he turns around to look at the indistinguishable mass of bodies moving back and forth. He taps his fingers on the glass, the sound of the ring on his middle finger almost inaudible, as his eyes land on the stage at the back of the room; it’s big, some parts of it get into the crowd, splitting it in half, and there are poles here and there and girls dancing on them. They are all wearing the same clothes – really tiny shorts and a bra that leaves little to the imagination, all of that adorned with fishnets, heavy jewellery, make up and high heels. Kihyun is scared one will end up breaking their legs wearing those, but he guesses they’re already used to it.

The drink is finished too soon and he orders a couple of shots instead – they’re cheaper and will have stronger effect on him. He swallows down the tequila and Jägermeister, this time his throat and stomach complaining even more than before, and he gives the bartender all the cash he had in his jeans to pay for them.

A girl sits next to him, her tight, red dress rolling up her thighs and he can almost see her panties. Her lips are dark purple and there’s golden glitter next to her lacrimal spot, making it seem as if she’s teary. She’s very pretty, too.

“Hey.” She says, her leg hanging loosely from the stool, almost touching Kihyun’s thigh. He wishes he had ordered another drink to keep his hands occupied with.

“Hey, you.” He replies, trying not to sound as uninterested as he really is. He tries to come up with an excuse not to pay for another drink, even less two.

“Do you want to drink something with me?” she asks, battling her eyelashes at him. It’s supposed to be sexy, seductive even, but it does nothing to him.

“I’m sorry I will have to decline that offer, but I’m waiting for my friends, we’re leaving already.”

Her lips mould into a pout.

“That’s a shame.” She gets up from the stool, and when Kihyun thinks she’s going to leave, she only approaches him even closer, almost placing herself between his legs. “Are you not up for some fun?”

He furrows his eyebrows, out of confusion. She brings her left hand to her mouth, as if leaving something on her tongue, and Kihyun notices before she’s sticking out her tongue; right over her tongue piercing there is a white pill, already undoing with her saliva.

He feels the sudden urge to run out of there as soon as possible.

Shaking his head no, he pushes the girl away, getting off from his stool and walking away before she can snap something back at him.

Surprisingly enough, it’s Minhyuk the one he finds earlier, after 10 minutes of frantically searching through the club for a familiar face. He spots the girl from before already kissing other man, probably sharing whatever she was trying to drug him with.

Minhyuk is covered in sweat, both hands placed on another’s man shoulders, who is considerably taller _and_ thinner, if that is even possible. He could probably disguise as Slender Man if his hair wasn’t so pink and his face so handsome. Even through the epileptic, flashing lights Kihyun could tell he was gorgeous.

“Min.” he says, screaming to his friend’s ear so he would be able to hear him.

“Ki!” Minhyuk turns around to look at him. His cheeks are considerably flustered and he’s not sure whether it’s due to the alcohol or the heat from dancing and being stuck with so many people; probably both. “I haven’t seen you in a while! How are you? Have you found someone tonight?”

He hates to say out loud he hasn’t, even less with the handsome man’s gaze on him. He would hit on him if it weren’t because Minhyuk has probably already sucked him off, and he’s not up for nasty threesomes with his childhood best friend.

“I think I’ll get going.” He hates how he has to yell, his throat hurts and his ears are ringing. “I’ll see you and Kyun at home.”

Minhyuk looks as if he wanted to complain and make him stay, but changes his mind in the last second, probably realizing that it would be better to go home than stay sitting on a stool doing nothing for hours.

Still with the alcohol running through his veins, he heads out of the club, sighing in relief at the sudden quietness. He’s very aware of everything now – his head spinning, his loud heartbeat, the sweat dripping down his neck to his back. He wants to get a warm shower and sleep into the next century.

On his way back home, his eyes land on a club a few streets above from the one he previously was at; the name – NB4 – shines in purple and red neon lights, and there’s a heavy bodyguard on the entrance. He knows all the clubs names around the area (not because he frequents them, but mostly because Minhyuk is always talking about them), but he’s never seen this one before. There’s a red carpet on the entrance that gives off a refined vibe. Everything is probably extremely expensive inside – but Kihyun thinks he wanted to get a drink at somewhere tranquil and how this might do, even if one drink costs him not eating for the whole month. Maybe he would be lucky and get laid, too.

The bodyguard stops him right at the entrance, stretching his right arm so that he couldn’t go any further. Disappointment spreads through his body – he should have known better they wouldn’t let him get inside so easily.

“Your ID.” The bodyguard says, his voice as stoic and cold as his looks. He surely did his job well.

Kihyun fumbles through his jeans to find his wallet and hands out his ID, showing he’s legal enough to get inside.

Much to his surprise, the bodyguard lowers his arm and motions for him to go inside.

Maybe the club wasn’t as exquisite as he had expected it to, or maybe he chose to dress up suitably for the situation: black, tight, high-waisted jeans; a white shirt inside his pants with the two first buttons undone and dress shoes; everything matched with a perfectly drawn wing and some peachy lip tint on his lips.

The first thing Kihyun notices is the smell – it smells like expensive alcohol, cigarettes and almost intoxicating perfume; the second, the round stages all over the room, each one with a pole in the middle and girls here and there, some of them only wearing tongs that could very well not even be there. He stiffens in place when he realizes it’s a strip club, and probably a very exclusive one.

He ponders whether he should turn around and leave, but the bodyguard would probably laugh at him and give him a condescending look, so he might as well grab a drink and just…watch something, while he’s at it.

Right when he approaches the bar again, the music changes and some of the dancers leave, changing for new ones. Kihyun notices there are male dancers this time, too. Well, maybe it wasn’t all to waste.

He lowkey-highkey panics when the bartender asks him what he wants to order, considering that vodka and juice would probably be a 15-years-old drink for them. He tries to think fast, to grasp something inside his mind of what Minhyuk or Changkyun had told him about drinks before.

“Disaronno.” He says, hoping that is not another teenager drink. It sounded expensive but he hoped it wasn’t.

The bartender nods and doesn’t even ask what he wants his drink with, and Kihyun fears for a moment he’s going to hand him the alcohol raw, but he seems to be mixing it with something he’s never seen before. Probably the red bull of the wealthy.

It tastes sweet and fizzy, suiting Kihyun’s taste just fine. He should thank his friends later.

The male dancers are all very skilled, Kihyun notices there’s not really an established criteria for them – some are really thin meanwhile others are more buffed, but the audience in front of them seemed to be enjoying all of it. Much to Kihyun’s surprise, it was all men, save two or three women lost in between the tide of horny dicks.

This time he takes his sweet time into finishing his drink, tapping his finger on the glass to the rhythm of the music as he watches the men in front of him perform. They’re hot and gorgeous, and Kihyun wishes he had the guts to approach one of them.

There’s a round of applause when what seems to be the last song ends, some men shove huge amounts of money up the boys’ underwear and leather pants, and they bow to the public before they leave the stage.

Kihyun hurries up into finishing the rest of his drink, already expecting to be kicked out of the place. However, more people seem to gather around the main scenario this time, more men than Kihyun had thought there were in that room when he first entered. It occurs to him that it’s probably a special stage from one of the dancers he’s seen before, but the sudden interest of everyone in the room sets an uneasy feeling on his stomach, not really knowing what to expect. Even the bartender seemed to be fully paying attention to the empty stage.

The music echoes throughout the room louder than what was being played before and the lights are almost turned off, leaving a dim shadow over the main stage. There’s a round of gasps as a male figure appears in front of them.

Kihyun nearly drops the glass he’s been holding, making a loud thud as it hits the table. He can hear the bartender chuckling at him but he doesn’t care – his eyes are focused on the man on stage.

He’s wearing leather pants, a harness that comes from his belt engulfing his thighs and a sleeveless vest with nothing underneath, leaving his arms and neck exposed. His blonde hair is tousled, some bangs falling messily over his forehead, and Kihyun can swear he’s wearing contact lenses, although he’s rather far to know well. There’s also a choker on his neck, like a belt that hides underneath the vest.

He starts moving his hips to the rhythm of some electronic song that he has never heard before, his arms swiftly following the dances steps as he starts unbuttoning his vest, bit by bit.

It starts to drive Kihyun crazy, and before he’s even realized what he’s doing he’s already left his stool and is walking towards the stage, placing himself between older men stinking to overpriced cologne and alcohol. His eyes never leave the other man.

The lyrics of the song are appealing, they seem to fit perfectly every dance move and every look he gives; Kihyun’s world stops moving.

_They call me the freak of the fall_

_You feel like a badboy? Well I'm King Kong..._

_I'm the new high and you're the same bong..._

_I know I'm, I know I'm hot don't cry_

By that time, his vest is already hanging loosely over his arms, exposing deliciously-made abs and a wide chest. The sight of his hard nipples go straight to Kihyun’s pants.

He goes to the pole, his pretty fingers encircling the cold, hard metal as he jumps and turns around, his hair moving like the wind as he supports himself on it. Kihyun was right – he’s wearing blue contact lenses and he looks extremely gorgeous, almost angelic, even when what he’s doing has nothing holy behind, but Kihyun thinks that’s what Heaven must look like.

He doesn’t take off his pants – the leather hugging his thick thighs and bubbly ass too nicely to be true, but he undoes the belt and unzips the button, revealing his underwear. It’s from some top class brand that Kihyun has never seen, but they look very tearable. The men in front of him go crazy at the movement, some of them already holding a wad of bills on their hands.

Kihyun notices there’s a row of beige couches in front of them, with even more men sitting on them and a few bottles of expensive wine and liquor on the tables. He guesses they’re the VIP section.

The male dancer jumps off stage as the song goes on, taking turns to sit on the men’s laps and moving his ass in circles against their crotches, all of them putting more money on his pants than Kihyun will ever have in his whole life. He might as well become a stripper while he’s at it.

The song ends with another round of hip moves and then everyone is clapping their hands and screaming his name. Kihyun deciphers Wonho from all the yelling and whistling. He gets on stage on more time before bowing and disappearing through a door, probably into the backstage.

Everyone starts moving around him, leaving the stage and grabbing the remaining of their drinks, but Kihyun stays still until he’s almost alone. He still has a hard time breathing, his mind dizzy with thoughts, his heart racing and his dick throbbing.

The bartender expression is of pure amusement when Kihyun grabs again the empty glass of Disaronno he’s left forgotten on the bar, all the ice in there has already melted into water.

“He’s…something else.” The bartender says. Kihyun only looks at him now, in a proper way. His hair is black and combed back, exposing his forehead. “He works here twice a week, but he’s very, very expensive. He only lets men follow him afterwards if they’re willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money.”

Kihyun had more or less guessed it.

“I’ve never seen you before around, though. New inherited business?” the bartender asks, cleaning some glasses with a green cloth.

Kihyun grimaces. He’s rather a broke college student who barely makes enough money from his part-time job as English tutor to kids. The bartender seems to read his face because his expression turns into an almost condescending one. Kihyun hates the feeling that sets on his stomach.

“He’s out of your league.”

Now, that Kihyun knew very well.

 

He only realizes how late (or early) it actually is when he gets home, all the morning light coming through the window. He checks his phone and there are no messages from his friends – they were probably too drunk and passed out as soon as they got home.

Changkyun is lying dead on the living room, Kihyun spots him right after closing the door behind him. His face is pressed against the cold surface and there’s a little pool of drool under his chin as his lips are parted. The smell of alcohol is too heavy on him and Kihyun’s lips twitch at the unpleasant odour.

He grabs a cold bottle of water from the fridge and slurps it so fast he spills some over his clothes but he doesn’t mind. The cold water feels like a blessing to his throat and head. Feeling refreshed and suddenly completely worn out, he heads towards his bedroom, almost tripping over some clothes scattered on the corridor. Kihyun notices they’re Minhyuk’s and probably someone’s else, maybe the guy he saw him with at the club. Feeling jealous of his friend’s active sexual life, he closes the door of his bedroom quietly and takes off his clothes, slumping dead on the mattress. He dreams with Wonho that night.

 

*****

He doesn’t tell Minhyuk nor Changkyun about what he did last night. He listens to them speaking about their fruitful nights but he dismisses his own by saying he came straight back home and slept. They buy it easily and Kihyun is glad, because he’s not really sure how to explain.

He finds out the guy who Minhyuk brought over was, indeed, the tall, handsome man he was with at the club. He almost had a cardiac arrest when he went to the kitchen the next morning and saw the man, almost naked, munching on some cereals sitting on the counter. He looked ragged but still really pretty.

They only exchanged a few words before he was picking up his clothes and leaving, telling Kihyun to let Minhyuk know he’d call.

As a chemistry student, his life revolved around stuffing hideous formulas and spending countless hours at the lab. When he had free time he would be working with the kids, as an English tutor. His life is hectic but uneventful, every day is the same as the previous one, and Kihyun is starting to grow more and more tired by each passing day.

He adds some powder to a test tube and adds a green liquid in another one, closing the mix with the lid and weights it on the balance. He needs to wait 15 minutes before the whole thing is done and he can leave.

It’s already dark outside, fall season always brings the night earlier, but it’s still warm enough for Kihyun to only wear a jacket over his t-shirt. About to finish college, he still wonders why he hasn’t gotten his driving license instead of having to walk half an hour to his flat. At least he got to do some exercise, because that was the only work out he did, and his tummy was starting to notice it, becoming chubbier than it used to be.

He gets home to find Changkyun playing Overwatch in the living room, almost hidden inside a huge, pink blanket, and Minhyuk lying next to him, a frown on his face and complaining nonstop.

“He didn’t call.” He states when Kihyun closes the door after him, taking off his shoes and leaving the bag next to them.

“He said he would.” He replies, peeling off a banana while he grabs a juice pack from the cabinet.

“Well, he hasn’t.” Minhyuk stuffs a handful of chips inside his mouth, munching on them as if they were the ones behind the pink-haired man not calling.

Kihyun shrugs, not really knowing what to say. He chuckles when Minhyuk turns his attention back to Changkyun, and by the look on his face Kihyun is sure he’s been pestering the younger for hours. At least he could distract himself with the videogame.

His bedroom consists of a bed with an Avengers duvet, a desk full of notes and books and some posters of rock bands plastered on the light blue walls. The colour reminds Kihyun of the contact lenses Wonho was wearing the previous night and his stomach flips. Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he sits on his chair in front of the desk and clicks the Spotify app on his laptop as he opens one of his immense organic chemistry books. It shouldn’t be easy to focus on numbers and formulas while blasting to a System of a Down song but it’s the only way for Kihyun not to die out of boredom.

By the end of his latest numerical problem, he hears Minhyuk yelling from the other side of the house, some high-pitched yells that probably meant the taller man had talked to him.

At least one of them is lucky.

With a heavy sigh, he closes the book and turns off his laptop, rubbing his eyes before heading to the shower. He would take a warm one before sleeping, too tired to even have a proper dinner. He hears Changkyun scolding him with something along the lines of ‘’hyung you’re going to faint one of these days’’, but he’s exhausted to even reply.

Letting the balmy water wash away all of his thoughs, those about pretty blonde hair and blue eyes the most. He sucks on air before closing his eyes and putting his head under the water, holding himself on the wall as his lungs start burning and his mind goes blank at the sudden lack of oxygen, before he’s retreating and breathing again, his head dizzy and his legs trembling. He shouldn’t push himself so much towards the edge but he does – it’s helps him not think and feel, somehow, alive.

Still light-headed, he wraps a towel around his waist and locks himself inside his bedroom. He can still hear Minhyuk yelling from the living room and Changkyun telling him to shut up at least 5 times in a minute, but as soon as he lies on the bed he passes out.

 

 

The next time Changkyun and Minhyuk decide to go out for clubbing at Gangnam-gu, much to their surprise, he tags along.

“Are you sick?” Changkyun asks when they’re on the subway, hand pressed against Kihyun’s forehead. He’s wearing all black and a denim jacket, which softens the sharp edges of his face and he looks even younger.

“I was just bored.” He replies, not sure if he’s trying to convice Changkyun or himself. “I’m almost done but I don’t see the end of all of this.”

“You’re almost there, hyung.” Changkyun reassures him, gripping his inner thigh.

He nods, swallowing another sigh that would make him look as if he was annoyed and distressed. Not that it’s far from the truth, but they don’t have to know.

Minhyuk and Changkyun fall into a cheerful chitchat after that, Kihyun joins from time to time when he’s not looking at his phone screen, checking for messages or notifs that he never gets.

“Hyungwon is working today.” Says Minhyuk before they’ve entered a different club from last time. “I think he’s rich.”

Changkyun scoffs while showing his ID to the bodyguard at the door. Kihyun notices he’s thinner than the one at the strip club but still big enough to do that job.

“No way someone rich is dating a broken college twink.” He says, opening the door.

“We are not dating.” Minhyuk replies, lips curving into a mischievous grin. “Yet.”

Kihyun has to admit Changkyun has a point.

“How do you even know he’s rich?” he asks. The club’s music is as rowdy as the other one, some pop and electro playing so loud that he can feel it resounding through his body, opaquing his heartbeat.

“Did you see his clothes?” Minhyuk has to yell for them to be able to hear what he’s saying. Kihyun shakes his head while he waits for the bartender to come around and take their order.  “His jacket was Balenciaga and his shirt Gucci. I don’t even want to know about the rest.”

Kihyun has to blink a few times, digesting those words. Minhyuk surely plays his cards well.

“So you’ve got yourself a Sugar Daddy.” Changkyun says, sipping from his glass. It’s some brand of whiskey that Kihyun hasn’t heard of before, but neither wants to try; his taste is only suitable for sweet drinks and whiskey is none of that. He orders some rum and cola, asking specifically for it to have more cola than alcohol, hating the bitterness with all his being.

They chitchat for a little longer, until they’ve finished their drinks and Changkyun is dragging them both to the dance floor. Kihyun is not tipsy enough for that but he decides to put his inhibitions aside and just follow his friends into their silliness.

Around 20 minutes later, Minhyuk has already drank at least four glasses more and Changkyun is inviting a new girl to what seems their third drink. Someone tries to approach him again, another girl that seems younger than the one from last time, but also prettier; her lips are red and they match her tight, black dress. Kihyun wishes he was into women at those times.

Once again, he rejects the indecent proposal and waits long enough for his roommates to be distracted with their own stuff, so that he can pull the ‘I’m tired’ card and leave. Leave to see Wonho again.

The bodyguard seems to remember his face – he probably didn’t have to see many people, and even less as young as him. His hair is styled up this time and he’s wearing an all-black outfit again, fully aware that wearing all black made him look wealthy and luxurious, even if he didn’t have a won in his wallet. He’s been more luscious about his make up this time – using eyeliner and purple glitter, and the same peachy lip tint on his lips.

The inside of the room is just like how he remembered; the circular stages and the big one at the back, where Wonho had danced last time.

He notices there’s less people this time, there are girls dancing on the poles (Kihyun’s not sure whether they’re the same ones) and the bartender remains just the same as well. His black, short hair is neatly combed again and his suit is white this time, matched with an orange tie. Oddly enough, it suits him.

“I didn’t think you would come back.” He says, cocking an eyebrow as he grabs a new glass from the counter. “You’re early today. Wanna drink something?”

“Yeah.” Kihyun takes off his jacket and places it on his lap after sitting on the stool. “I’ll take the same as last time, thank you.”

He taps his ring on the wooden table while waiting for his drink to be ready, scanning through the room as if he was trying to find someone familiar.

Some men came here and there every so often to ask for booze – one even tries to allure Kihyun into drinking something with him and then going to a motel but, as much as he wants to get laid, he’d rather keep his dick away from 60 years old men.

Some dancers approach the bar too, Kihyun can recognize them for their distinctive clothing and make up. They all ask for drinks that Kihyun has never heard of before – but his wallet cries at the sight of the handcrafted and jewellery embodied bottles.

He focuses on his glass instead, overhearing what they’re talking about and feeling uneasy whenever one would look at him, probably wondering what a guy like him is doing in a place like that. He wonders that, too.

His breath gets caught in his throat when a familiar face walks from the backstage towards the bar. He can hear some choked gasps from the other side of the room, but no one seemed to pay much attention as the club was rather empty yet. His hands remain frozen in place around his glass as he cannot tear apart his gaze from the other man.

This time, Wonho is fully clothed – a white t-shirt and sweatpants, looking completely off from what everyone else is wearing. His hair is damp and his face bare, Kihyun notices and fuck, he’s gorgeous even like that.

“Same old?” the bartender asks, in a casual way but still using formal speech.

Wonho nods, licking his lips. He drinks slowly from the glass he’s given, and Kihyun hates that he notices every single detail; from his slender fingers wrapping around the glass, his lips on the edge and his Adam apple bobbing up and down as he swallows. It’s attractive, inviting even, and Kihyun knows he’s staring but he doesn’t mind.

His heart almost goes under cardiac arrest when Wonho finishes his drink and shifts his head to the left after leaving the glass back on the counter. He looks straight at Kihyun, who stares dumbfounded and in awe at the man in front of him. He could as well be booboo the fool at that point.

Wonho looks at him from head to toe, and his lips curve to the side, as in a tiny smirk, before he’s nodding at the bartender and leaving.

“See you later, Hyunwoo.”

That’s also how Kihyun learns the name of the bartender.

He waits and waits for the multifarious dancers to finish their shows and for Wonho to appear. He lowkey feared earlier that he wouldn’t dance today, but seeing him before meant he probably was holding a performance today, or elsewhere he wouldn’t have been there. Or at least so he hopes.

More and more people (still, mostly men) gather in the club later on that night, they all probably come only to see Wonho performing.

He tries to get a good spot this time, near the VIP seats and trying to pass as another young but wealthy man. No one seems to have their attention on him, even less when the lights attenuate and everyone seems to stop breathing, Kihyun included.

He’s wearing a different outfit this time – black leather jeans and a sleeveless white t-shirt that shows his shoulders. There are little white bandages around his fingers and Kihyun notices his ears sparkling as the light reflects on his piercings. He’s not sure whether he looked better last time or today – both outfits are utterly different but equally devastating.

Just like the last time, when the music starts playing all the flashlights shine upon him and Kihyun swears he’s glowing – his look is fierce and intimidating, as if he could snap your neck at any second, but his movements are fluid and smooth like water and he looks as delicate as a butterfly. Instead of taking off his vest, this time he tears his shirt open in half, throwing the remaining piece to the floor as the audience scream his name.

Kihyun finds it hard to focus on anything else, the man in front of him is so mesmerizing in so many ways that it should not be possible. He goes for another round of grinding his poky ass on the men in the VIP seats and they stuff their money again on his pants, that he very gladly takes. He probably bathes in money.

When the dance is over again, Kihyun feels some kind of hollowness in his chest, as if something was missing. He wants to see more. He _needs_ to see more, but even if he works all his life he will never be able to pay for a night with Wonho.

As everyone is picking up their stuff and paying for their drinks at the bar, Kihyun tries to look around the backstage, in hopes of seeing him again. However, what he sees has him dropping his jaw to the floor.

A very familiar face is talking to Wonho right in front of the door, handing him a towel and patting his shoulder, as if congratulating him for his good performance. Wearing a white, oversized shirt and a long coat, there’s Hyungwon. The same Hyungwon Minhyuk had banged days before.

Kihyun takes a deep breath. He’s his ticket into the astounding man he so much longs to talk with.

 

*****

 

He corners Hyungwon against the kitchen counter the next time he finds the tall man sitting on it and eating cereals. He can’t believe he’s the same man he saw the other day at the strip club, wearing probably clothes that were worth a whole car and looking so professional. Now he was almost naked again and his eyes puffy from sleeping.

“W-What are you doing.” Hyungwon stutters when Kihyun leans over him. “You’re quite attractive but I’m seeing Minhyuk, you know, I don’t think that’s very loyal from you and-”

“Shut up.” Kihyun rolls his eyes. Hyungwon is attractive but not even for a million won he wouldn’t be near someone who had slept with Minhyuk. “It has nothing to do with that.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw you yesterday at NB4.”

The bowl of cereals almost falls from Hyungwon’s hands.

“The fuck where you doing there.” He asks, his lips pursed as he looks at Kihyun stupefied.

“I found it the other day and managed to get in.” He tells the truth, there was no point about lying here.

“Can you even afford it?” Hyungwon inquires, still in disbelief.

“I can’t.” he admits, and shifts even closer to Hyungwon’s ear, whispering so that no one else could hear them. “But I need your help.”

For the look on Hyungwon’s face, he probably has already figured out what Kihyun is talking about.

“I can’t do anything about that.” He says, whispering too. “I am his friend and manager and I take care of his schedule and money, but I have no saying in his personal life.”

“But you could convince him.” Kihyun tries to insist, biting down on his lower lip.

“He won’t listen to me. Even less if you’re going empty-handed.”

“I really can’t afford that.” Kihyun feels disappointment washing over him. He really had built his hopes high since he found out about Hyungwon.

“I figured.” Hyungwon sighs as he brushes his pink hair off his forehead. “But I think I could do something. It’s not an appointment with him but it’s something.”

Kihyun feels excited all over again.

“What is it?”

“I could book one of the VIP seats for you. If Hoseok likes you he’ll go to you, and maybe I can talk to him about you afterwards.”

“Hoseok?” he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“Ah, I forgot you only know him as Wonho.” Hyungwon purses his lips again into a thin line. “That’s his stage name, his real name is Hoseok. Shin Hoseok.”

“I see.” Kihyun nods. “Thank you, Hyungwon.”

“It’s okay but…. You know, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

Kihyun _knows_ , but he still does.

 

It surprises Kihyun that Minhyuk doesn’t seem to know anything about what he had talked with Hyungwon; it occurs to him that maybe Hyungwon hasn’t told Minhyuk yet what he works at, afraid it would throw him off. However, Minhyuk only seems to wonder more about why Hyungwon is so rich everyday that passes by.

“He really won’t tell me.” Minhyuk says one day, sitting on the couch, next to him. Changkyun still hasn’t come back home from college. “I’m getting suspicious here. Is he some kind of rich heir?”

“Dunno.” Kihyun lies. Telling Minhyuk the truth would mean him finding out about Hoseok, and he wants to avoid that. His friend can get really petty at times. “But you got yourself a Sugar Daddy.”

Minhyuk snorts.

“We really don’t have that type of relationship.”

“You guys fuck.” Kihyun states, his hands busy fumbling with a bag of gummies.

“We also _talk_.” Minhyuk replies back, stealing some candies from Kihyun’s bag. His face contorts at the bittersweet taste.

“What a beautiful bond.” Kihyun says, amused. He enjoys annoying Minhyuk like this, even though he cares deeply for him as well.

“You wish you had it too.”

Kihyun thinks about it. Does he want a relationship where they have sex on a daily basis but are so comfortable with each other that they can spend the day together in bed while talking about everything and nothing?

Yeah, he could go for that.

They watch a film after that, some corny, heart-clenching sappy one that has them both crying into the cushions and Changkyun laughing at them for hours when he walks in and joins to watch the rest of the crappy film. Kihyun’s heart is sore and his chest feels heavy when the credits appear, and he tries to dry the tears from his eyes and face after that, chuckling at Minhyuk, who is still weeping next to him.

“You two are such cry-babies.” Changkyun says, hitting Minhyuk on the head with another cushion.

“It was really sad!” Minhyuk tries to defend himself. Well, both of them. “You’re just a heartless, insensitive bitch.”

“I’m hurt.” Changkyun puts his hand on his heart, making a wounded expression.

Kihyun laughs, shaking inexistent dust off his pants as he gets up from the couch. Changkyun takes his spot and, although reluctantly, he promises them to make dinner after going to the bathroom.

He stares at his reflection for a few minutes – his face is red and his eyes puffy and still teary from the amount of crying he’s done before while watching the film. He washes his face with cold water, rubbing his eyes thoroughly, and then stares again. His pointy nose and his lips are his main attractive, he knows well. However, the thought of Hoseok appears in his mind again and he thinks he looks too simple – average even, to catch his attention. He needs a change, something that will have the other man not being able to tear his eyes off him when he’s on the VIP seats next time. He threads his fingers through his light brown hair, the only thing that outstanded in his face was his ear piercings, and he only had two.

“I’m going to dye my hair.” He announces when the dinner is set and they are gathering around the table. He cooked some fried chicken and seaweed soup.

Minhyuk chokes on his drink.

“You? Dyeing your hair? Did you hit your head?” he asks, his eyes wide in surprise. Changkyun looks puzzled as well, bewildered even.

“What is this, some kind of joke so that we think you’ve gone insane and then show up tomorrow with a darker shade of brown?” he questions, chopsticks on his hand as he stares at Kihyun.

“Or black.” Minhyuk adds.

He has to roll his eyes at his friends. Impassive, he takes another bite of his chicken.

“I think I’ll go blonde.” He replies, pondering about it. The truth is, he’s not sure yet about what colour he’s going to choose. “Or pink.”

“You really did hit your head, didn’t you?” Minhyuk asks again, still not believing his ears.

“Or you have someone.” Changkyun pinpoints, making Kihyun shift uncomfortable in his seat. Was he really that obvious?

“I think him with someone is even more shocking than dyeing his hair. He has only dated this one guy after high school, and he wouldn’t even touch him. And well, in high school his crush over the football team captain didn’t end well, he was a fucking ass.” Minhyuk grabs his chin, as if thoughtful.

“Thanks, Min.” Kihyun sighs, leaving his own chopsticks to rub his temples. Kihyun didn’t want to think ever again of his repressed ex or the tall, handsome football captain who broke his heart mercilessly when he was 17. That was 5 years ago, and it wouldn’t happen again. “And for the record, no, I’m not seeing anyone. I just felt like a little change would be nice.”

Changkyun hums as he sips down the soup broth. Kihyun is sure he doesn’t believe him, but he won’t pester him about it and, at least, Minhyuk does.

 

He steps into the Barber Shop the following day at first hour in the morning, half-asleep and already regretting his life choices. He regrets it even more when the bleach is applied to his scalp and it starts burning, until his whole head feels almost numb.

The hairdresser is nice enough not to run her nails through his scalp while massaging the hair dye into him. He keeps his eyes closed or focused on his phone screen most of the time, not wanting to see his reflection in the mirror just in case he panics and runs away, until his hair is dried and combed and he has to _look_.

It’s bright orange. He gasps and needs to blink twice, not believing his eyes.

Nevertheless, he _does_ look good in it.

Minhyuk, on the other side, almost goes under cardiac arrest when he walks through the door and Changkyun sits down on a chair, his eyes as wide as a full moon.

“Jesus, hyung, you really mean it when you said you wanted a change.”

Kihyun throws a cushion at him, exasperated.

“Yes, I _meant_ it.” He says, poking at Minhyuk’s cheek. “You can’t be the only one flamboyantly showing off your dyed hair.”

Minhyuk raises both of his hands in defeat.

“I’m just really shocked.” He says. “But you look good.”

“Thanks, Min.” he replies, poking his cheek again.

 

*****

The bartender – Hyunwoo – cocks an eyebrow at him when he turns around the barstool to sit on it; his bright, orange hair shining through the club neon lights and matching his peachy lip tint. He’s also tried to wear his best clothes this time around, stealing some necklaces from Minhyuk and a white button up shirt that shows his neck and a bit of his chest, tucked inside his black jeans and his favourite boots. Today is probably his only chance.

“You look surprisingly good.” He says, amused and already pouring the same drink Kihyun has been requesting the last two times in a freshly cleaned glass. “Out there to grab someone’s attention?”

“Shut up.” Kihyun rolls his eyes, playing with the ring on his fingers as he waits nervously for any signs of Hoseok around the place. There’s still around an hour before his show starts.

Hyunwoo hands him the drink and offers some nuts to have with it, but Kihyun turns the offer down. He’s so nervous that his stomach has closed its visits to the public, squeezing inside his belly.

He sips down his Disaronno quietly, eyes on the other men and women doing their own shows but never paying fully attention; he was wary in case Hoseok would show up anytime like he did the other day.

But he doesn’t, until it’s showtime again and Kihyun hurriedly swallows down the rest of his drink and walks towards the stage. This time, he has access to the VIP seats.

However, there’s another bodyguard – slimmer than the one at the front door – that prevents him from doing so.

“Sir, you do not have access to this area, it’s private.” He says, voice as dead as his face, even if he’s hiding behind black sunglasses.

“Oh? But I do.” He crosses his arms over his chest. Did Hyungwon-

“He’s with me.” The tall man pops out of nowhere, standing behind Kihyun. He almost doubles him in height. “I booked a seat for him.”

“I’m sorry.” The bodyguard bows to Hyungwon and motions for Kihyun to go inside.

He mutters a whispered ‘thank you’ to Hyungwon before turning around and sitting on the couch at the left side, the closest one to the stage.

On the table there are already drinks – something that looks like champagne or cava, Kihyun isn’t sure, and two bottles of red wine. He liked none of those but guessed if he had to choose one the cava would suit his taste better.

He lets out a rushed gasp when the lights fade before he was expecting, taking him by surprise. Trying not to fidget, he adjusts his clothes and swallows down the lump on his throat, as if that were to ease his nervousness.

He’s wearing the same leather pants with the harness he used the first day, but there’s a white t-shirt covered with a blazer on his upper part. That’s the most clothes he’s ever seen on him.

His hair seems lighter and there are purple highlights on it, and this time he’s not wearing lenses, his dark, brown eyes being in sight.

The music is never the same but it always has the same feeling, some heart-beat song that Hoseok can perfectly mold his hips to and dance as if he was made of water.

He throws the blazer away, exposing the hard muscles of his arms and Kihyun almost starts drooling. God, how on Earth is he so beautiful.

Kihyun swears his lips turn into a smirk when his eyes land on him at the VIP area, and his suspicious may or may not have been confirmed when Hoseok is almost half-naked, pants opened and a thin layer of sweat all over his body, and he jumps off stage, nearing towards them.

He’s surrounded by men in their late thirties and forties, probably most of them are married business men looking for something new and thrilling to do in their lives, but for Kihyun it’s very different. He doesn’t want to pay Hoseok to get inside his pants – the truth is his attraction goes further than that, he’s allured and wonderstruck. He wants to get to know Hoseok.

His breath gets caught in his throat when said man walks up to him, sliding his fingers under Kihyun’s chin and wiggling his hips so very seductively. Kihyun can feel all of his blood rushing towards his groin when Hoseok sits on his laps and starts rolling his waist, grinding his bubbly ass against him. He wants to touch but he doesn’t – because Hoseok hasn’t allowed him to, and instead just stares, amazed and astonished, at the gorgeous man in front of him. He’s so big and wide, yet he looks so delicate. Kihyun’s heart tugs at all the wrong places.

“Meet me at the backstage.” Hoseok whispers to Kihyun briefly, so much that he’s not even sure he’s heard right.

It ends too soon and Hoseok is already dancing and rolling between the older men again, getting his pants stuffed with genuine amounts of money, but Kihyun’s mind can only focus on those words, replaying them again and again like a broken, old cassette.

He inhales deeply after everything goes quiet and everyone has already left, and sneaks inside the backstage, closing the door after him.

He was expecting a small room with a door that would lead somewhere else, but instead he faces a really big room, full of people and dancers chatting and removing their clothes and make up.

No one seems to notice him and he purses his lips, looking around in order to find Hyungwon or Hoseok. He finds him first.

“You came.” Hoseok says. He’s still half-naked and from up close Kihyun notices his damp hair and droplets of sweat dripping down his forehead. “Let’s go talk somewhere else.”

He heads toward the second door in the room and walks into a quiet corridor, full of famous people’s pictures hanging on the walls.

They meet Hyungwon halfway through it.

“Oh.” He says, his gaze lightning up when he notices Kihyun. “I was just about to talk to you about him but you were faster.”

“Talk to me about him?” Hoseok asks, looking back and forth from Kihyun to Hyungwon.

“He’s a… _friend’s_ friend.” Hyungwon hesitates. “He was interested in seeing you so he asked me if I could arrange a meeting.”

Hoseok seems disappointed, for reasons Kihyun can’t really explain.

“I see.” He turns around to look at Kihyun. “How much are you going to pay, then?”

Kihyun almost chokes. He desperately looks at Hyungwon for help.

“Well…the thing is, he can’t really pay.” Hyungwon starts, scratching the back of his head. “But you’ve already got enough money, does it really matter?”

Hoseok seems surprised at that, Kihyun realizes.

“It does.” He replies, but the look on his face might say something else. “I’m not going to waste my time if I’m not getting anything in return.”

“I’ll treat you to a dinner.” Kihyun blurts out, that being the first thing that crosses his mind. “It won’t be an expensive restaurant but you will be full and enjoy it thoroughly, I promise.”

Hoseok opens and closes his mouth a few times before responding, surprised at Kihyun’s sudden boldness.

“I guess I could go with that.” He replies, surprising both – Kihyun and Hyungwon. “I’ll go change, you stay here and I will be back in 10 minutes.”

When he leaves, not even letting Kihyun reply, Hyungwon looks at him with his eyebrows furred and a mix between concern and astonishment in his face.

“I think he really liked you because otherwise he would never have accepted.” He says, and it was meant to make Kihyun happy and reassure him, but it only manages to get him even more nervous and his legs start to tremble.

Well, fuck.

 

He waits alone in the corridor, hearing muffled voices from the other side of the room, but everything is rather quiet in there. Some people come here and there from time to time, and although they look askance at him, they don’t say a word. Kihyun only seems to grow more jittery, to the point where he starts wondering whether Hoseok would appear or not. Maybe he changed his mind and realized Kihyun was not worth his time.

Between a turbulent tide of thoughts, Hoseok shows up around the corner. He’s wearing simple jeans with a black belt and a black t-shirt, his hair dishevelled and bare-faced. It looks so casual that it’s hard to imagine he’s the same person that was on stage ripping his clothes off a while ago. He also looks so beautiful that Kihyun has a hard time breathing.

“Shall we go?” he asks.

Kihyun nods, and notices only then he’s wearing a completely different outfit from him, and going to dinner somewhere he could afford dressed like that would be striking; excessive even. He voices out his thoughts.

“Do you want to go home and change?”

“Yeah.” Kihyun says. Minhyuk and Changkyun were either still outside or asleep somewhere. He hoped if it was the latter they would be too drunk not to notice Hoseok.

“Let’s go to your car and hurry then.” Hoseok opens the door for him to walk out of the club. “I’m starving.”

Kihyun makes a face; of course Hoseok would have expected him to have his own car.

“I…I don’t have a car.” He says, scratching the back of his head. “I always come here either in the subway or on foot.”

Hoseok’s lips turn into something akin to a pout.

“Let’s just call a taxi.”

“Taxis are expensive.”

“Not for me.”

Reluctantly, Kihyun gets in the taxi that shows up five minutes after they’ve called, and sits on the back seat while Hoseok does on the passenger seat.

He tells the taxi driver his address and the rest of the ride falls into silence, until they arrive and Hoseok has to pay. Kihyun doesn’t like that but he has to comply.

“Will we be seeing Hyungwon there?” Hoseok asks once they’re inside the elevator. They live in the 6th floor.

“It’s very likely they are doing nasty stuff in Minhyuk’s bedroom.” Kihyun shrugs. “Unless they are still outside.”

The flat seems empty when they walk in; the window blinds are cast and the lights turned down. Kihyun almost trips on his way to his bedroom with some clothes scattered through the floor that, as usual, belong to Minhyuk.

“This is my bedroom.” He says, opening the door. He curses himself for having left the whole thing so untidy, rushing earlier towards the subway before it closed because he got carried away with some paperwork he had to do. “Sorry for the mess.”

“It’s okay.” Hoseok pokes around Kihyun’s shelves and walls, while he opens the wardrobe and chooses more discreet clothes; another pair of jeans and a navy-blue t-shirt.

He hurries towards the bathroom and changes there, unable to do it in front of Hoseok’s at the bedroom. He is awfully self-conscious of his own body and how thin and petite he looks in comparison to Hoseok. With trembling fingers, he takes off his old clothes and stuffs himself in the new ones. They smell of fresh detergent instead of expensive booze and cigarettes. With a makeup remover towelette, he removes his jazzy make up and only applies some bb cream and base. He could be bare-faced but still had to look good.

After what it seems like months, he walks out of the bathroom and throws his dirty clothes into the laundry basket, leaving his stolen necklaces on the night stand instead.

Hoseok is sitting on his bed and whipping through one of Kihyun’s chemistry books that he had on his desk.

“How bored are you that you’re reading that book?” he asks, chuckling softly as he tries to do something with his hair in the wall mirror he owns.

“It’s interesting, though.” Hoseok leaves the book on Kihyun’s bed, standing up.

“If you say so.”

Kihyun is about to open the door and get out of his room when he hears the front door opening. Obviously not thinking clearly, he quickly turns the light down and puts his hand on Hoseok’s mouth, pressing him against the wall.

He hears Hoseok gasping under his manoeuvres but relaxes afterwards, his lips curving into an amused smile behind Kihyun’s hand.

Kihyun, on the other hand, is not really sure whether he’s more nervous about Minhyuk on the corridor or his sudden closeness to the other man. He can feel Hoseok’s warmth all over him, as if he was a radiator.

Minhyuk sounds lightly tipsy when he’s turning on the lights around the house and scolding himself for being such a mess, but then there are sloppy sounds _and_ moans, and Kihyun wants to die.

He prays at least 10 times for Minhyuk to drag Hyungwon into his bedroom and not go all the way in the living room, because Kihyun is on the verge of passing out and he just wants to get out of there. It’s embarrassing and the proximity with Hoseok doesn’t help him think straight either.

Thankfully, after a few minutes, Minhyuk closes the door of his room and the sounds are not that loud anymore. He seizes the opportunity and grabs Hoseok’s hand to push him outside, running towards the door and not looking back.

When they’re already outside, breathing erratically and even sweating, Kihyun notices his hand is still holding Hoseok’s. He quickly lets go.

“I am really sorry about that.” He says, between pants. He doesn’t know what’s worse: Minhyuk finding out about Hoseok or hearing those two almost fucking.

“It was quite amusing.” Hoseok says, with flustered cheeks. “But I really didn’t want to hear Hyungwon like that, either.”

They decide to let it go and go to Kihyun’s favourite BBQ chicken restaurant in the area. Since it’s already kind of late, there are not many people and they can enjoy their food without too much noise.

“Have you ever come to a place like this?” Kihyun asks once they’ve settled down around a table.

“I did when I was much younger, but it’s been already a while.” Hoseok replies, eyeing the menu. They both order chicken and kimchi, as well as rice and Hoseok asks for a side dish of noodles.

They don’t talk while eating, Kihyun wonders if the other man ever eats properly because he seemed to swallow down every dish in the blink of an eye – and he probably isn’t used to worry about the money spent, because he keeps asking for more side dishes and Kihyun wants to die.

“Please don’t order more.” He says, embarrassed. “My wallet is crying.”

Hoseok – with his mouth full of chicken – seems to realize that he’s having dinner with Kihyun and not one of the wealthy men that treat him to dinner at expensive restaurants. He mutters an apology and it’s disgusting because Kihyun can see all the food inside his mouth, but he also finds it quite cute.

Kihyun sips down his lemon soda. They’ve been eating for a while, and he feels he should say something, ask Hoseok something.

“Do you have any hobbies?” he asks, already scolding himself for such lame question. He really was out there to embarrass himself till the end.

“Everyone has.” Hoseok lifts his eyebrow, still munching on his food.

“I guess.”

“I like poetry, composing songs and dancing – I _do_ love dancing, also working out and going shopping.”

“Those are quite a lot.” Kihyun chortles.

“I have a lot of free time and money.” Hoseok shrugs. “I do many other things as well, but I guess those are my favourite.”

Kihyun nods. He notices that with the amount of dishes on the table he’s going to be starving probably for the next month, eating his roommates’ crumbs to survive.

“What about you? Besides chemistry.” Hoseok asks, instead. Kihyun is rather surprised at that.

“Chemistry is not really my hobby, it’s what I’m majoring at in college. But I guess I do like it, though.” He replies, trying to come up quickly with a good answer. “Besides that, I like singing. And playing GTA.”

Hoseok leaves his chopsticks on the table.

“Do you sing well?” he asks, seeming surprisingly interested.

“I guess? It took singing classes when I was younger, but it’s been a while.”

“Sing for me.”

Kihyun ponders his options, then something clicks inside his mind.

“I will the next time you go out with me.”

There, out in the open. Kihyun wasn’t the best at flirting, and even less when the person in front of him is someone like Hoseok.

Hoseok seems quite amused at that, his lips threatening to curve into a smile that he tries hard not to bloom.

“I’ll think about it.”

When the bill arrives, Kihyun almost chokes on his spit. He’s _really_ going to have to starve for a whole month, and this place is rather cheap.

Hoseok offers to pay but he refuses wholeheartedly, leaving his credit card next to the small paper so the waiter will understand. He fights the urge to cry when he’s typing down his secret pin and the machine makes a ‘peep’ sound of approbation.

They walk silently through the nearest park. There are street lamps everywhere, almost making it hard to believe it’s night-time, and there’s a small lake in the middle with ducks and swans. They should be asleep but there are tourists feeding them bread and other unhealthy stuff, and probably the food is more important.

“They really shouldn’t feed bread to the ducks and swans. It dirties the water when it rots and makes it almost impossible for them to live.” Hoseok says, out of nowhere. It takes Kihyun by surprise.

“It does? I had no idea.”

“Yeah, it does. But most people don’t know.” Hoseok purses his lips. “They should put a signboard about it.”

Kihyun agrees. He steal glances at the man walking next to him, trying not to be too obvious, but he’s sure Hoseok has probably noticed.

He starts overthinking, then. Was that going to be their first and last night together? Would Hoseok still want to meet up with him one day, even if he didn’t have anything to offer?

He’s so focused on his own thoughts that hasn’t realize he’s voiced them out loud until Hoseok replies.

“Would you want to meet again?” He asks, turning around to look at Kihyun.

He blushes furiously out of embarrassment, feeling his ears and cheeks turn bright red.

“Of course.” He says, as if the answer isn’t more than obvious.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever agreed on going out with someone who won’t either give me money or take me to fancy dining.” Hoseok seems to be pondering about something, but Kihyun can’t really pinpoint what nor read his expression. “But I was starving and I actually really enjoyed that dinner.”

“Me too.” Kihyun admits, running his fingers through his hair. He’s starting to sweat.

“One gets tired sometimes of only eating food as big as my thumb.” Hoseok’s gaze turns mysterious, but never losing his spark of amusement. “If I’m honest with you, most of the time I end up cooking myself ramen when I’m back at my flat.”

Kihyun bursts out laughing.

“Are you serious?” he asks, his eyes turning into crescents. Hoseok nods, his lips curving into a smile. “You should come with me to the chicken BBQ more often, then.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“But not too often,” Kihyun rushes to say, thinking about the previous bill. “Or at least don’t ask for so many side dishes, because I’m fucking broke.”

Hoseok smiles again, and God, Kihyun could get lost in the curves his lips made when he smiled.

“Sorry about that.”

Kihyun walks Hoseok home. He lives in a penthouse in a really big skyscraper, Kihyun almost breaks his neck trying to see the full building. Hoseok asks him about his major and GTA during the way and Kihyun asks him instead about the music he composes and the poetry books he’s read. For those brief moments, Kihyun forgets who is Hoseok and who is he, and instead pretends they’re close friends – or maybe a little bit more. It feels nice and casual, and Kihyun wishes it could always be like that.

“I’ll call a taxi for you, it’s already late.” Hoseok says, pulling his keys out of the pocket of his jeans. They’re only two simple keys hanging on a keychain, while Kihyun’s full of different, almost ridiculous keyrings.

“Thanks.” He says, feeling the bubbly sensation on his stomach again. “I had fun.”

“Me too.” Hoseok says, and that seems to be the end of it all.

Before he closes the door, he calls out for Kihyun.

“Will I see you next week at NB4?” he asks, his face already almost invisible, hidden in the darkness from the corridor.

Kihyun smiles.

“Yes.”

Then the door closes.

 

*****

 

Kihyun wonders if he would end up abhorring the Disaronno drink he always asked when he came to the club. Not that he had come many times, but the sweet taste lingered on his tongue even after a few days.

Hyunwoo greets him as usual, but this time he doesn’t make any remarks. Quietly, he pours Kihyun’s drink on a glass and pushes it towards him across the wooden table.

A few minutes later, Hyungwon joins him.

“Hoseok told me to book you a VIP seat this time around as well.” He says, motioning for Hyunwoo to serve him a really expensive drink that Kihyun will never be able to touch. “He said something about making up for going overboard with some side dishes last time.”

Kihyun is not sure whether that is a good or a bad thing. He’s not in debt with Hoseok, he treated him to dinner because he wanted to. However, joining the VIP seats again was too good to reject.

“He seems to like you, but I really don’t know how or why.” Hyungwon shifts on his barstool to look at him. “I’m saying this because you’re Minhyuk’s best friend and, besides that he would chop off my dick, I care about you. I know Hoseok but I have no idea what his intentions are and you should be careful. He doesn’t do relationship nor feelings.”

Kihyun swallows hard. He knows Hyungwon means well, but those words still hurt, even if he doesn’t have any right to even feel hurt about it.

“I’m not really interested like that.” He lies, and they both know it. Hell, even Hyunwoo knows it. However, no one says a thing, and Hyungwon nods before swallowing down in one sip his expensive whiskey and leaving.

With a funny feeling, Kihyun sits on the left couch and stretches his arm to grab one of the bottles of red wine on the table, eyeing the etiquette as if he understood about those. He waits and waits for Hoseok to show up on stage, the seats next to him already filled with men in tuxedos and expensive cologne. Kihyun stood out in between all of them, dressed up completely different, but they didn’t seem to have enough strength to care. After all, they were there only for Hoseok.

He shows up on stage as fierce and sensual as usual, his eyes land on Kihyun every so often and it sends shivers down his spine and directly to his groin, even more when Hoseok’s already half-naked and sliding his body on the pole or grinding against the floor. It makes Kihyun feel slightly jealous – he wants that too.

Hoseok ignores him the whole time. He goes first to the couch at the other side, rubbing his body against the men sitting there and taking their money with a sly smirk plastered on his face, which is sexy as fuck. He smiles at Kihyun – very briefly, Kihyun wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t plain staring at him, but when it’s almost his turn, he shifts around and skips him, walking up to the stage.

Kihyun blinks a few times, watching as Hoseok bows to the crowd and disappears behind the backstage, not even glancing at him once.

Kihyun’s stomach flips inside his belly – something between disappointment and uneasiness, and he takes a deep breath, getting up from the couch when he’s almost alone at the club.

Hyunwoo doesn’t asks questions when he asks for a shot of Jägermeister, asking beforehand if they’re covered in diamonds just in case he has to head afterwards to the black market to sell at least one lung and one kidney to afford it, maybe even his liver too.

He walks home feeling dizzy and blue, but not even really sure why. He and Hoseok were nothing, not even friends, and he had nothing to offer to someone like him, so why would he even?

However, Hyungwon’s words still lurked around his mind. Didn’t he request for Kihyun to be on the VIP seat? Was that a lie?

He falls asleep as soon as he slumps on the mattress, not even caring to remove his make-up (something he will regret later when his skin is dry and the pimples threaten to appear).

 

He is not even surprised anymore to see Hyungwon stealing his favourite cereals. He always wakes up earlier than anyone and leaves early, too. Kihyun wonders why when Hoseok works at night.

“Don’t you have like, a really expensive flat to spend your days at? Do you really have to be here when it’s the three of us? Are you that kinky?” he asks, his head throbbing and not really in the mood of seeing anyone.

“Woah, someone’s grumpy this morning.” Hyungwon munches on his cereals. “Also your flat is nearest to club than mine, and Minhyuk and I tend to get worked up.”

“Gross.” Kihyun pours his favourite vanilla-flavoured soy milk in his mug and slurps down a painkiller. He makes himself some toasts while humming to his favourite song.

“I didn’t know you could sing.” Hyungwon jumps off the counter, his endless legs exposed as he’s only wearing his briefs. “You have a pretty voice.”

“Thanks.” Kihyun says, but it turns into a hiss as he burns his finger while trying to get the toast out of the toaster. Hurriedly, he puts his index under cold water and Hyungwon wheezes behind him.

“I’ll get going.” He says, leaving his now-empty bowl of cereals on the sink, next to Kihyun. “See you soon.”

“I-I don’t think I will go next week to NB4.” Kihyun hurries to say before Hyungwon has already walked inside the corridor.

He turns on his heels and looks at Kihyun, a questioning look on his face.

“I don’t think I should.” He tries to explain himself, even though he doesn’t even know the reason himself. “I just don’t think I should. It was fun that day with Hoseok, but our lifestyles are really different – and we could never make that work out, even if there was even the slightest chance.”

Hyungwon purses his lips into a thin line as he sighs.

“This is not probably what you want to hear, but I agree with you.” He says. “Hoseok will only break your heart, and it will be ugly.”

“I’ll spare myself from that.” Kihyun jokes, and Hyungwon laughs too but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He knows Kihyun means otherwise.

He locks himself inside his bedroom for hours, realizing maybe a little bit too late that there’s less than one week left for his first exam this term and he hasn’t even started studying. Stuffing all of these chemistry formulas and theory in 5 days couldn’t be that hard, right?

After probably around 4 or 5 hours, he decides it’s time to take a small break. His muscles are sore, he needs to pee and also he is really thirsty.

Minhyuk and Changkyun gasp loudly when he enters the living room.

“A zombie!” Minhyuk yells, trying to hide himself behind Changkyun’s shoulder.

“It even reeks like one.” Changkyun punctuates, scrunching his nose.

“Ha, ha, very funny.” Kihyun rolls his eyes and heads toward the kitchen, grabbing one of the cold water bottles from the fridge. “I’ve got an exam in five days and I’ve just started. I’ve also called to cancel tutoring these days, no matter how much I hate losing money, failing is even worse, I really don’t want to study this summer anymore.”

“Fuck, hyung.” Minhyuk gets up from the couch, almost throwing the joystick that was forgotten on his lap. “Are you sick? You look really out of yourself these days.”

“You even dyed your hair.” Changkyun joins the conversation. “We’re kinda worried here. Is everything alright?”

Kihyun tries to come up with a good excuse.

“I’m just really tired. And unmotivated. I also have no prospects of a safe job after I finish, and that has been keeping me up at nights these days, I don’t even know what I’m going to do after I finish.”

“It’s understandable.” Minhyuk pats his shoulder, his face has softened and he means to reassure Kihyun. “I feel the same sometimes, too.”

“Min, you’re a fashion designer, you’ve got plenty of choices ahead of you.” He says, sipping down his water. Man, he was really thirsty, he needed to remind himself to drink water more often so he wouldn’t become a wrinkled raisin.

“But they’re hard! Unless you pull a few strings, it’s rather hard.” Minhyuk whines, lips turning into a pout.

“Well, you can do that. Just ask Hyungwon.” Kihyun cocks an eyebrow at him.

“I would never do that.” Scoffing, Minhyuk jumps on the counter to sit on it. “I wanna earn my own stuff, I don’t want Hyungwon to think I banged him for convenience.”

“You didn’t even know.”

“I knew. I mean, have you even seen his clothes? Unless you’re hella rich you can’t really afford that.” Minhyuk tilts his head, as if pondering about something. “He still won’t tell me what he works at. What if he’s some kind of gangster?”

Kihyun chuckles – it made sense Minhyuk would think about that, but it was really far from the truth.

“He’d make the prettiest sniper.” Kihyun jokes, but Minhyuk doesn’t seem to find it very funny. A permanent frown falls on his face.

“Man, I really need to get me someone rich as well. Some Sugar Mommy that wants to spoil me and pay for my bills.” Changkyun complains, amusement adorning his voice tone. It only seems to annoy Minhyuk anymore.

“They’re usually old and ugly, I doubt you’d be as lucky as him.” Kihyun points at Minhyuk, poking his nose.

“Y’all can choke.” He says, jumping off the counter. “I’ll get Hyungwon to tell me what he does!”

Kihyun highkey prays he doesn’t.

 

*****

 

He finds Hoseok again in the most unexpected place ever: the convenience store.

Kihyun usually buys in a convenience store nearer his house, but he was heading back from the lab after spending almost 7 hours locked in there and was starving to death, so he stopped by the closest one to uni, one he remembered seeing some other day. If he thinks about it, Hoseok’s penthouse is just around the corner.

He’s wearing some brand sweatpants and a big hoodie, his head covered in the hood, and carrying a shopping basket on his forearm, and from what Kihyun can spot it’s all ramen packs.

He doesn’t even have time to roll his eyes because Hoseok probably feels holes pierced through his head and turns around to look at the responsible.

Kihyun’s heart starts beating harder and he tries to calm himself down before the imminent encounter.

“Hey.” Hoseok says, raising his hand. He’s bare-faced and looks 10 years younger.

“Hey, you.” Kihyun replies back. “Those are not really healthy for someone who lives off showing his body.”

“I do a lot of exercise.” Hoseok shrugs. “And I’m almost always hungry.”

“You could cook yourself something healthier.” Kihyun says, chuckling softly in an attempt to make the atmosphere less awkward. “Or get you a personal chef.”

“I don’t like having people in my penthouse, and I can’t cook for shit.” Hoseok shrugs again. “I’ll just live off these in between fancy meals.”

“I think I’m good at cooking.” Kihyun grabs his chin, trying to look pensive.

Hoseok wheezes softly.

“You didn’t mention that the other day.” He leaves the shopping basket next to his feet. “You haven’t come to the club these days.”

“I’ve been busy.” Kihyun replies, and it’s the truth. It does something to his heart that Hoseok has noticed him missing; but he guesses it would be hard not to notice someone like him, with his bright, orange hair.

“I guessed.”

The silent that follows is awkward again. Kihyun wants to say goodbye and grab his own shopping basket and leave, but his feet don’t move.

“I guess it’s also better like that.” He says, in the end. It’s ambiguous, but Hoseok understands.

“Probably.” He picks his basket from the floor and hangs it on his forearm again. “It doesn’t suit someone like you.”

Kihyun feels a sting of pain in his chest, next to his heart. Did he really even expect Hoseok to look at him in any other way rather than a club client who couldn’t even pay?

“It was nice to see you again.” He swallows the lump on his throat. “Take care.”

“Thank you.” Hoseok bows his head lightly before he’s heading towards the checkout. “You too.”

 

Kihyun does go back to NB4. The week after his encounter with Hoseok at the market, not really knowing why or how, he finds himself stuffed in his usual pair of black ripped jeans and stealing some borderline-slutty shirt from Minhyuk’s wardrobe, adorning his exposed neck with a silver necklace that hanged down his chest as well. His bright, orange hair has faded after washing it a few times and now has a peachy undertone that makes him look even more daintier.

Hyunwoo’s mouth turns into the shape of an ‘o’ when he sees the young man again.

“I thought I wouldn’t see you here again.” He says, prodding his elbows on the bar as he leans forward to Kihyun.

“Yeah, me either.” He sighs as he sits on his usual barstool. “Do you have the non-embodied-with-diamonds Jägermeister from last time?”

Hyunwoo nods.

“I’ll take one glass with red bull, please.” Kihyun reconsiders his words. “And if the soda costs more than my life please, spare me from it.”

“It’s the alcohol that is expensive, not the soda.” Hyunwoo chuckles, in a very boisterous way that surprises Kihyun. Heck, he wasn’t that damn funny.

He plays with the edge of the glass and his ring for a while as he observes the VIP seats and the pit close to the stage filling up with people, but he stays still. He will watch from afar this time.

His drink is almost halfway done when he feels a hand on his shoulder, and he turns around violently to see who it belongs to, either expecting Hyungwon or Hoseok. He hoped it would be the latter.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.”

It’s Minhyuk.

Kihyun is speechless as his best friend stares at him with wide eyes, his jaw almost touching the floor and something between utter shock and disbelief sparkling in his eyes.

“You come to a strip club?” he asks, still dumbfounded. Hyungwon appears behind him, and when his gaze lands on Kihyun, he almost chokes on air.

“Kihyun?” he asks, all kind of different emotions flashing through his face. “What are you doing here again?”

“Again?” It’s time for Minhyuk to speak again, turning around to look at Kihyun. “Is this where you’ve been all these days?”

Kihyun sighs, his temples starting to throb. He loved Minhyuk to death but sometimes wished he would stick his nose into his own business.

“Sometimes.” He replies, there is no point in lying anymore. “There’s some-”

His words are interrupted by a loud screech from almost the other side of the room. Of course, it had to be Hoseok.

“Hyungwon!” he squeals when he reaches the three of them. “Is this Minhyuk?? That Minhyuk? Do I finally get to know my best friend’s boyfriend?”

Minhyuk has the audacity to blush.

“We are not boyfriends.” He says, poking Hyungwon at the side. “Yet.”

Now it’s Hyungwon the one blushing, and Kihyun feels the need to gag. So he does.

“You’re just angry because I get to fuck and have a pretty boyfriend while you’re all frustrated.” Minhyuk yells at him, squinting his eyes, but his lips twitch while he tries to suppress a smile.

“I’m not frustrated, my hand and I have been doing just fine these years, thanks.” He replies, feeling all nervous when he realizes Hoseok is staring at him.

He’s already wearing his stage clothes (black pants and a black shirt opened and hanging loosely over his shoulders; there’s also a silken choker around his throat and another necklace running down his chest with a cross at the end), but he’s still bare-faced. It’s a striking combination.

“Should we go dinner after I finish?” Hoseok asks, smiling. Kihyun wants to die whenever he sees that smile. “The treat is on me.”

“How thoughtful of you.” Hyungwon jokes, back-hugging Minhyuk. “But sure, let’s go dinner after you finish your little hoe-ing around.”

“It’s not hoe-ing around, it’s a very efficient way of profiting from horny, rich men. I wiggle my hips and they give me money enough to support myself for the next 15 years. Isn’t it great?”

Kihyun’s throat constricts while seeing Hoseok beaming and sparkling like a star in the night sky, so pretty yet so, so unattainable.

Hoseok and Hyungwon disappear backstage after that (Kihyun gags again, even louder this time, when the two lovebirds bid goodbye with a kiss), which leaves him and Minhyuk alone.

“So he’s the manager and best friend of a very successful and rich stripper, which also happens to be fucking buffed and hot.” Minhyuk states as he drags a barstool to sit next to Kihyun. “So I’ve really hit the jackpot this time around, huh.”

“I thought you said you weren’t chasing after his money.” Kihyun forces a humourless chuckle out, his mind only being able to think about the dinner afterwards.

“And I’m not!” Minhyuk hits him with his elbow. “But thank God he’s not a gangster.”

Kihyun chuckles again, and Minhyuk turns around to order a drink that he probably won’t even pay because Hyunwoo knows about him and Hyungwon.

Minhyuk suggests going nearer the stage to see Hoseok up close, but Kihyun refuses wholeheartedly; he’d rather stay afar from him.

However, Minhyuk grabs his hand and ends up dragging him against his will, almost making him throw his now-empty glass of Jägermeister to the floor.

Hoseok looks as gorgeous as always; Kihyun would had almost forgotten if only it weren’t because he roamed through his mind more than he would ever admit out loud. Minhyuk even whistles when Hoseok takes off the black shirt and wiggles his bubbly butt inside those tight, black jeans. A sight that goes straight to his dick.

“Man, he’s smoking hot.” Minhyuk says when Hoseok is grinding on some creepy, old men. “You should fuck him.”

Kihyun snorts, so loud he thinks the previous drink is going to spurt out of his nose.

Minhyuk’s eyes wide open.

“Wait, you _have_!?” he asks, almost screaming. Kihyun punches his shoulder to shush him.

“Of course I haven’t.” he replies, rolling his eyes. “Do I, perhaps, look rich to you?”

Minhyuk purses his lips.

“You have a point. But.”

“But?”

“Do you like him?”

Minhyuk squints his eyes at him.

“I mean, he is my type.” Kihyun confesses. “But there’s just that. I don’t know him and I know for sure he doesn’t want anything like that either. Why would he even want to have sex with me when he can do that whenever he wants and earn money as well?”

“Because you’re not an ugly-looking old-ass?” Minhyuk replies, ironically. “You didn’t steal my shirt and necklaces for nothing.”

“I’ll bring them back.” Kihyun murmurs, battling his eyelashes as an apology. Minhyuk is now the one to gag at him.

 

They go to a 5-stars restaurant somewhere in Gangman. Kihyun almost chokes on his spit while he looks around the restaurant, in awe. There are plenty of tables, covered with white or beige tablecloths and candles. There’s even a big aquarium at the right side, with all kind of fishes and crustaceans. The waiters, all dressed in tuxedos or plain, black knee-skirts, bow at them as they guide them to their booked table. Minhyuk is just as astonished as him.

Hyungwon and Minhyuk sit on front of each other, which leaves Hoseok and Kihyun to do the same, and it sets an uneasy feeling on his stomach; it feels like walking on quicksand.

“What would you like to drink?” the waiter (a tall, black-haired man) asks.

“Is wine fine for you?” Hoseok asks, looking back and forth between them. They all nod. “We’ll take some _Chateau Petrus Pomerol_ , then.”

Kihyun gasps while hearing Hoseok speaking French. Hell, French was a hellish language but even that sounded hot in him.

Kihyun tries hard not to have a stroke while reading the menu and eyeing the prices. If he went here by himself he would have to work at least three lifetimes washing the dishes to pay for one single thing in the menu.

Kihyun hates wine and the one Hoseok has ordered tastes disgusting, but it costs more than his life so he swallows it down very diligently.

His breath gets caught in his throat when he looks up from his plate and see Hoseok, his lips around the glass of wine, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows. When he puts the glass down, his lips are tainted red and glistening, and his cheeks are flustered, probably from the alcohol.

Kihyun would lie if he said he wasn’t getting hard under the table. Since he knows Hoseok, his dick has had more action than during his 22 years of life, and they haven’t even done anything, and probably never would. He has lost the count of how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of Hoseok’s pretty, red lips around his cock.

“Kihyun, are you alright?” he hears Minhyuk saying. “You’re sweating.”

He would laugh at himself if he could.

“Yeah, it’s just – the wine I guess.” It’s not really a lie, he’s already sipped down three glasses and he’s starting to feel slightly tipsy.

He just listens afterwards. He overhears Minhyuk talking about how he met Hyungwon and how long it had taken him to reveal his job; Hyungwon excuses himself by saying he didn’t want to scare Minhyuk off and Hoseok just smiles while hearing, sometimes saying some words here and there to keep the conversation going. It looks as if he’s very used to that type of random chitchats, probably he has to pretend he cares for all those men that treat him to fancy dining.

Hyungwon and Minhyuk leave before Hoseok has even asked for the bill – alleging they had some pretty, urgent business to take care of. Kihyun suggested using Hyungwon’s flat for fucking once and Hyungwon told him something along the lines that that was the plan. For once, he would be able to go home and not hear the two of them screaming nonsense that made him want to bang his head against the wall.

“Do you want to see the bill?” Hoseok jokes when he’s handed the paper.

“Please, no.” Kihyun scrunches his nose. “Spare me from a cardiac arrest.”

“Should I?” he asks, but his voice is low, and tempting, and Kihyun just _knows_ he’s not talking about the bill anymore. Jesus Christ.

He leaves his credit card on the metallic container, Kihyun is even surprised that it’s not a black card.

They walk outside in silence, although he can hear Hoseok humming to some song he’s not able to recognize.

“I’m not really far from home.” He says, turning on his heels to look at Hoseok. The breeze is cool and his nose is red, Kihyun wants to smooch it very badly. “I’ll go on foot.”

“You’re like, 2 hours on foot from here.” Hoseok scoffs. “You should get a cab.”

“I didn’t bring that much money.” Kihyun admits, but this time he will decline Hoseok’s offer of paying one for him.

“My penthouse is around the corner.” Hoseok rubs his scalp. “Do you wanna come?”

Silence.

Kihyun blinks a few times, the words echoing through his mind as he tries to process what Hoseok has just said – what he has just offered.

His stomach drops and he has to swallow, _hard_.

“I can’t pay.”

“I didn’t say I wanted you to pay.”

Kihyun thinks he must be dreaming – that’s it, he’s having one of those wet, realistic dreams with Hoseok again and he will wake up once more on his bed, all sweaty and with a throbbing cock inside his sweatpants.

Hoseok keeps staring at him, waiting for the answer.

“I guess I’ll take that as a no?”

“No.” Kihyun hurries to reply, almost yelling in the way. Hoseok chuckles and he feels all the heat accruing in his cheeks. He’s so fucked. “No, I- yeah, let’s go to your penthouse.”

Hoseok smiles, satisfied, and turns around to guide him towards his house.

 

The skyscraper is even bigger than what he seemed to remember, the back of his head almost touching his ass while he tries to get a full view of the building. Hoseok lives in the last floor, that being the 35th one. He confesses when they’re halfway through the corridor that he’s actually afraid of heights, but there are huge window glasses inside and he’s okay with that.

The inside of the building look more expensive than what you would expect from others, but still didn’t give off a millionaire vibe. Just rich.

Probably the most awkward moment in Kihyun’s life is the whole ride upwards inside the elevator, where the space is narrow enough for their arms to touch and Kihyun feels all kind of nervousness washing over him. Even his breathing seems too loud in there.

When the elevator makes a ‘beep’ sound, he sighs in relief. Hoseok rolls the keychain on his index finger as he walks to the only door in the whole corridor, and he’s humming that unknown song again.

Kihyun’s jaw drops to the floor when he enters the penthouse.

To say it’s big is an understatement – there are huge chandeliers and lamps hanging from the ceiling, round tables and leather couches all over the living room, and even a piano at the right side. Kihyun wondered if Hoseok knew how to play the piano or it was just mere decoration.

Hoseok was right – the window glasses are huge and Kihyun can see almost all of Seoul from there, the city lights sparkling like a thousand stars.

He’s scared to even see the rest.

Hoseok takes off his jacket and unceremoniously throws it over a chair, then turns around to look at Kihyun.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asks, rolling up his sleeves. He’s wearing the same clothes as he did on stage, but everything is buttoned up.

“Water.” He replies. He doesn’t want to drink more wine, but his throat is dry and he’s about to pass out.

Hoseok chuckles softly and walks to the kitchen.

It’s all black – it shouldn’t surprise Kihyun, to be honest, and there’s a dining table in the middle with five stools next to it. It’s also huge.

“You’re telling me you have this huge ass of a kitchen and you can’t cook?” he asks, amazed at the sight of everything that was on display.

“It came with the flat and I really can’t cook.” Hoseok shrugs. “You can cook here one day if you want to.”

Kihyun regrets every second of it after, but he squeals a little. Hoseok seems to find it rather amusing.

“Here.” He stretches out his arm and hands the glass of water to Kihyun. It’s cold but it feels really good.

“Thank you.” He says, after he’s finished it.

Hoseok pours some more water and drinks from the same glass, before he stores it inside a cabinet.

He rests his hand on his waist, staring at Kihyun.

“I want to show you the bedroom, but I’m scared you’ll pass out.” He says, a mischievous, teasing tone in his voice. Kihyun wonders if he has died and entered heaven.

“I think I will survive.” He replies, trying to sound just as confident, but his voice falters a little and he wants to die very badly.

The bedroom is exactly just as big as any other room in the house; there’s one big queen-sized bed (with black duvets as well), a low ottoman, a night-stand, a grey carpet almost the entire size of the bedroom, and a small table and chair at the end. There’s also a big painting hanging over the bed, and the dim lightning comes only from the lamp at the night-stand, as there’s enough already coming as well from the huge window glass in front of the bed.

“Doesn’t the light bother you?” he asks, his eyes moving side to side in an attempt to catch a glimpse of everything.

“There’s a curtain.” He points to the grey curtains collected at the end. “I just need to pull that string and it’s all covered.”

Kihyun nods. He’s still trying to process all that is happening in front of him.

“There’s also a little terrace next to this room, and there’s a pool.” He says, poking Kihyun’s shoulder. “But we will leave that for later.”

Kihyun scoffs. Of fucking course there is a pool in that goddam of a penthouse.

He feels himself being swayed over by Hoseok’s big hands and pushed backwards until his back hits against the window glass. His heart starts beating like crazy inside his chest at the sight of Hoseok’s right hand next to his head, hovering over him and with his face inches away.

He had expected Hoseok to kiss him rough and forcefully, but instead he meets a pair of really soft lips against his that move sweetly and gently; Hoseok is holding his chin to lift his head and deepen the kiss, making Kihyun’s head hit the glass behind, but he doesn’t even flinch.

Hoseok tastes like expensive wine and rain as he kisses Kihyun, biting down on his lower lip before pushing his tongue inside. It feels hot against his own as they meet halfway, turning the kiss sloppier and deeper. It also sends shivers down Kihyun’s spine, making his legs tremble.

He puts his hands on Hoseok’s shoulders to press him closer, earning a low, surprised moan from the other man and Kihyun’s cock gets impossibly hard inside his pants. It’s all even better than he’s ever imagined it would be.

He starts unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders so that it falls to the ground. Hoseok’s body is even better up close – all hard muscles and curves, his nipples are erect and his tummy hard with his defined abs. It makes Kihyun want to drop to his knees while peppering him with kisses, so he does.

Breaking the kiss, he pushes Hoseok lightly and starts leaving a trail of kisses down his neck, pressing a little harder against his pulse and sucking, making Hoseok gasp and hold hard onto him. He scratches his collarbones with his teeth as he goes down to his nipples, and darts out his tongue to give an experimental lick. He feels Hoseok trembling under his actions and it encourages him to keep going; he circles the hard spot with his lips and sucks and nibs on it while giving attention to the other with his thumb – he does it gently, carefully enough not to hurt Hoseok.

When he gets on his knees, his face is almost at the same level of Hoseok’s crotch, and he can see it’s hard and swelled inside his pants, and the sight is so lascivious that Kihyun’s mouth starts watering.

His hands are shaking when he starts undoing Hoseok’s belt and unzipping his pants, while his mouth is still busy kissing all over his tummy, enjoy the warm skin against his lips. With clumsy fingers, he pulls down the trousers and Hoseok kicks them away with his feet, until they’re out of sight. He’s wearing Versace black underwear and Kihyun decides to tease him a bit before going all the way down on his cock.

He licks over the fabric, feeling it already moist against his cheek due to the pre-cum, and encircles his lips around the shaft so that Hoseok can feel the warmth of his mouth on him.

“Fuck.”

Kihyun feels himself growing hotter and harder at hearing Hoseok’s curse because of what he’s doing to him. Slowly, he pulls down the fabric of his underwear and finally frees Hoseok’s cock. It’s unfair, because he’s still fully dressed and the clothes are starting to tickle on his skin, aching to be taken away as well, but he can only focus on the throbbing member in front of him and how much he wants to suck him off.

So he does. He grabs Hoseok’s cock by the base and presses his lips around the tip, giving small licks with his tongue and tasting the bittersweet liquid, before he fully opens his mouth and shoves it inside, further each time. He bobs his head up and down, resting both of his hands on Hoseok’s waist and nails digging on his hipbones as the tip brushes the back of his throat. He gags a few times, but it doesn’t stop him, and with teary eyes he looks up to see Hoseok, whose fingers are tangled on his hair strands and his eyes lidded with heavy lust. He moans when their eyes meet, and Kihyun can feel all the remaining blood rushing through his veins going straight to his neglected dick, until his head is dizzy and his own pants about to burst open.

“Come here.” Hoseok whispers, holding Kihyun’s shoulders to pull him up and bring him into another kiss that tastes like Hoseok.

Kihyun almost moans in relief when Hoseok’s hands are finally on him, opening the shirt and throwing it to meet the same fate as his own clothes. His head spins around when he feels the warm palms pressed against his chest and caressing all over his torso, pinching both of his nipples and making Kihyun squirm.

Hoseok doesn’t take off the necklace.

Instead, he plays with the waistband of his underwear that shows above his jeans, teasing him as he sucks on his neck, his tongue wet and warm against his sensitive skin. His breath gets caught in his throat when he’s suddenly pushed and thrown onto the ottoman, sitting there with his legs spread, and Hoseok kneels in between them.

His jeans disappear and so does his underwear, and Hoseok’s lips are roaming over his calves and thighs, leaving purple marks all over the inner side. It turns Kihyun into a mess: Hoseok starts pumping his throbbing and aching cock while he licks and sucks his inner thighs, and it sends waves of pleasure throughout his body – so strong that he’s not sure whether he’s going to last, it’s been so long since he last did this and even less because it’s Hoseok.

Hoseok leaves his position to grab a condom and a lube bottle from his night-stand, Kihyun only _then_ notices there’s a flower tattoo on Hoseok’s right asscheek –  cherry blossoms, water lilies and dahlias; they formed an intricated, coloured pattern that went from the underside of his buttcheek and upwards, until the back of his hipbone. It suited Hoseok just fine and Kihyun wanted to trace it with his fingers and mouth.

Hoseok gets on his knees again. He leaves the rubber on the floor and opens the lube bottle to pour a decent amount on his fingers, rubbing them to spread the sticky substance.

Kihyun takes a deep breath, anticipating what will come next.

He hisses, out of discomfort more than pain, when the first coated finger is pushed past the rim of muscles and shoved up inside. He can feel Hoseok moving his finger inside of him, slowly thrusting into him as his mouth keeps abusing his inner thighs – Kihyun thinks there’s not going to be one single inch of skin left that isn’t marked by Hoseok tomorrow morning.

Hoseok takes his sweet time with him, preps Kihyun diligently and gently, murmuring reassuring words at the same time there are already three fingers fucking him, scissoring and stretching him for what would come next.

“Hoseok.” He says, needy and choked. A silent plea for Hoseok to finally take him right there, and Hoseok understands.

He rips the plastic of the condom open with his teeth and slides the rubber on his cock, pumping it a few times before he gets up from the floor.

“Up there.” He points his finger to the bed, and Kihyun crawls from the ottoman into there, head resting on a pillow and back pressed against the mattress.

Hoseok spreads his legs even further with his hands, caressing Kihyun’s calves before he throws them behind his back, until he’s surrounding him. He feels Hoseok’s tip pressed against his hole again and he can’t help but close his eyes, making up his mind to the stinging sensation that will follow.

However, Hoseok starts peppering his forehead and cheeks with kisses and Kihyun blushes, his heart racing inside his chest at the delicacy of his actions.

“Tell me if it hurts too much.” Hoseok whispers against his ear, nibbling and licking his earlobe before he thrusts his hips slowly and pushes the tip inside. It hurts way more than it did with the fingers, but once the first part is already in, the rest follows smoothly.

It takes Kihyun a few minutes to finally adjust to the sudden intrusion, the pain being replaced by an odd sensation.

“Move.” He orders, his hands roaming all over his back. “Fuck me.”

Hoseok obliges.

He presses his heels harder against the mattress as he starts bucking his hips back and forth, his cock going in and out of Kihyun. Soon, the wet sounds of skin against skin and moans fill the room; Kihyun tries hard to supress them, but Hoseok holds his chin and with his index finger opens his mouth, forcing Kihyun to let those moans out.

His whole body trembles when Hoseok hits a certain spot inside of him – so hard he sees white momentarily and almost comes right then, tightening all of his body to prevent it. His nails scratch Hoseok’s back when he holds him below the knees and starts thrusting even harder, so much that Kihyun thinks he’s going to break him, but he loves every second of it.

He starts feeling the bubbly sensation building up in his stomach, hot liquid spreading like lava as Hoseok fucks him hard into the mattress. When he’s about to come, Hoseok suddenly pulls out.

“W-what-”

Kihyun doesn’t have time to even complain because Hoseok gets off from the bed and lifts him up in his arms, bringing him against the window glass and pressing his body against it. Kihyun moans when Hoseok lifts his right leg to spread his asscheeks and thrusts into him again, his other hand holding the back of his neck to press his body against the glass.

“Fuck.” Kihyun moans, his cock rubbing against the cold surface everytime Hoseok pushes his cock deep inside him, hitting the same spot as before each time.

This time, Kihyun comes untouched against the window glass; white, thick liquid spurt against the glass while Hoseok comes right after, moaning Kihyun’s name against his ear. Kihyun’s legs give in then, but Hoseok quickly holds him in place.

In a failed attempt to gather his racing thoughts, heart and breathing, Kihyun lets Hoseok drag him into the mattress. The last thing he notices before he nods off is the unsettling distance that Hoseok sets in between them to sleep.

 

 “Jesus Christ.” Hoseok opens his eyes, startled as a fork drops from the tray Kihyun was bringing inside the room.

“No, I’m Yoo Kihyun, but I’ve heard we look alike.”

“You both have white eyeballs.” Hoseok rolls his eyes. He shifts his body closer to Kihyun, eyes fixed on the food on the tray.

“You said I could use the kitchen and I wanted to make some breakfast.” Kihyun shrugs, biting his lower lip. It’s a lame excuse – he doesn’t know whether he will step one foot again in this penthouse and he really wanted to try that kitchen. It fulfilled all of his wet dreams.

“Thanks.” Hoseok says, his eyebrows furrowed. He doesn’t look satisfied with Kihyun bringing breakfast, and it sets an unpleasant sensation on his stomach.

“I’m sorry.” He says, before he can even stop himself. Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him. “I probably shouldn’t have made breakfast.”

“It’s okay.” Hoseok munches on a piece of fruit and a toast at the same time. “It’s just strange. People usually leave the day after, not do things so…domestic.”

“I honestly just wanted to try the kitchen.” Again, Kihyun tries to excuse himself. Hoseok dismisses everything with a gesture of his hand.

Barely eating a piece of fruit and leaving the rest to the taller man, Kihyun gets up from bed and picks up his clothes scattered across the floor. His cheeks turn a bright, burning red when he’s crouched down to pick up his underwear and his gaze lands on the dry stains of his cum over the window glass, all the images from the previous night washing over him, and he feels himself growing hard again.

If Hoseok notices, he doesn’t say a thing.

He puts on all of his clothes one by one while Hoseok types some stuff here and there on his phone, only looking up when Kihyun is all dressed and coughs at him to get his attention.

“I-I’ll get going.” He says, unsure. He has been a fool for expecting something else, it was all pent-up lust, and even worse when he had no penny to offer. At least Hoseok must have found him hot.

“Sure.” Hoseok folds his legs, still completely naked. “Let me put on something and I’ll walk you to the door.”

Kihyun nods and Hoseok grabs some black sweatpants from his wardrobe, not even bothering to use underwear beneath. Kihyun notices, feeling waves of heat through his body, the purple marks over his neck and the scratches and bites over his back and shoulders.

Hoseok holds the door open for him, and Kihyun turns around to look at him with a heavy heart.

“See you around.” Hoseok says, tilting his head.

“Yeah.” Kihyun tries not to sigh. “See you.”

 

*****

 

Changkyun is asleep, head on his desk and drool falling from his half-opened mouth forming a puddle under his chin, when Kihyun barges inside his room, door crashing loudly against the wall behind.

The younger boy jumps from his seat, startled at the sudden deafening sound. If looks could kill, Kihyun would be dead by now.

“The fuck do you want.” Changkyun sits again on his gaming chair, half-black, half-neon orange.

Kihyun sits quietly on the edge of the bed, interlocking his fingers and pushing his lips into a pout.

“I need to ask you for a favour.” He says, prodding Changkyun at the side. “Please?”

Changkyun squints his eyes at him for a few seconds, but ends up giving in and sighing in defeat.

“Spit it out.”

“You’re the only one I can ask since you know all the places around and people like you and-”

“Kihyun.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kihyun rubs his hand through his scalp. “I need you to get me a job.”

Changkyun raises his eyebrow at him, leaning his back on the chair. He only needed a black cat on his lap to look like the villain of some Disney movie.

“A job?”

Kihyun nods.

“I want to sing.” Kihyun fidgets in place. “Do you know a place where they’d need a singer? Like a bar or a pub. As long as they pay anything will do.”

“Aren’t you already busy with your classes and tutoring the kids?” Changkyun asks, genuinely concerned about him, making Kihyun feel all kind of softs out of sudden.

“I will manage properly and rest well, I promise.” It’s a lie, but he needs to reassure Changkyun anyways. “I just need that extra cash.”

Changkyun seems to ponder about something for a while before he taps Kihyun on the shoulder, tilting his head.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

Kihyun locks himself in the lab for the rest of the week, only coming home to sleep and shower, taking some left outs to eat during breaks. He always kept an eye on his phone in case Changkyun told him any news about the singing proposition, but he got none. Instead, his phone messages were filled with classmates in different groups sending the same questions again and again; Kihyun had all of them muted.

“Hey, Kihyun, your phone it’s ringing.”

Kihyun looks at his lab-mate, both of them stuffed in lab coats, big glasses and gloves to protect them. His phone’s screen was flickering, and he shifts his body enough to see it’s Minhyuk. Frowning, he leaves the flask he was holding and takes off one of the gloves, throwing it on the table before picking up the call. He holds the phone between his shoulder and his ear.

“Min?” he asks, moving the flask’s content with his other hand. The liquid was pink and had to turn a bright red. “Is everything alright?”

“Ki! Are you busy?” Minhyuk says through the other line. He sounds flustered, as if he had sipped down two or three glasses of wine.

“I’m at the lab.” Kihyun puts the flask on the table and adds more powder into the mix. “I finish around 8.”

“Go home and get dolled up, we’re partying tonight.”

Kihyun resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“Min, it’s _Tuesday_.” The flask in his hand starts fuming, almost boiling. Kihyun hands it to his lab-mate. “I’m tired.”

“It’s at Hyungwon’s.” Minhyuk insists. “Pretty please? You can sleep over if you want, there’s enough space.”

Kihyun snorts, out loud. Of course there is enough space.

“I don’t know.” He bites down his lower lip. “Why don’t you invite Changkyun instead?”

“He’s already made some other plans.” Minhyuk replies quickly, and Kihyun starts thinking there’s something fishy in there.

With a heavy sigh, he gives in.

“And bring your trunks!”

 

Minhyuk’s wet when he opens the door.

His blonde hair is stuck to his forehead, water droplets running down his naked chest, and the water from his bathing trunks is soaking the floor.

“You came.” He grins, moving aside to let Kihyun walk in.

“I told you I would.” Kihyun looks around, seeing Hyungwon’s flat for the very first time. It’s even more monochromatic than Hoseok’s, but just as luxurious.

“We’re at the pool.”

Kihyun follows Minhyuk into the room at the end of the corridor. It’s small and almost empty, but leads to a terrace. The floor is parquet, there’s a bamboo armchair full of cushions and a big pool, that is separated from the edge of the roof by window glasses. One could see all of Seoul while bathing there. There is warm light coming from candles and small lamps on the floor, and from the other side you could see the whole living room through yet another huge window glass. Kihyun guessed it was all about window glasses in those penthouses.

He greets Hyungwon, who is as well inside the pool and with what seemed a champagne glass on his left hand, the other resting against the parquet.

Hoseok is next to him.

Minhyuk’s grin becomes even wider when he knows Kihyun has figured out what’s going on – they called so that Hoseok wouldn’t be third-wheeling. Hyungwon gives him an apologetic look, the only one there knowing how Kihyun actually feels towards the other man.

“Hey.” He says, leaving his bag next to the armchair. He’s even brought his pajama and clothes for tomorrow, already anticipating falling asleep somewhere in that demon house.

He feels Hoseok staring when he takes off his clothes and folds them inside the bag, tiptoeing towards the pool and sitting on the edge. The parquet feels nicely warm against his butt.

The water is the perfect temperature – not too cold either too warm, and he eventually gets inside as well, just on time before Minhyuk jumps in and splashes water everywhere.

“Do you want to drink something?” Hyungwon asks, tilting his head so that Kihyun can see there are three bottles on the other side of the pool. Champagne, vodka and whiskey. Kihyun doesn’t like any but he settles down for the vodka and soda.

“Does it costs more than what I will ever earn?” he asks, jokingly. Hoseok brushes his arm against his side and he trembles.

“Depends on what you will be working at in your life.” Hyungwon laughs, handing the yellowish drink to him. It tastes terribly bitter, but at least it’s not as bad as whiskey or as bubbly as the champagne. He didn’t want his stomach to end up turning into fireworks for all the wrong reasons that night.

“At this point I’ll end up living under a bridge.” He tries to joke again, but he’s not. “Or I could just pull a Breaking Bad and make up methamphetamine with some college drop out kid. It won’t be blue crystal but I guess it would be good enough.”

Minhyuk hits the back of his head with his palm.

“This kid here is like – a prodigy when it comes to chemistry. He really could pull that Breaking Bad shit.”

“Well, thanks.” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Gotta make my own serotonin at this point.”

“You’ve got a point there.” Minhyuk jumps on his back, weighing like a feather since they’re in the water. “You will get revirginized at this point.”

Kihyun feels his cheeks and ears burning when Hoseok chuckles.

“How come?” Hoseok has the audacity to look at him. “You’re kinda good-looking, I thought you would be dating.”

Minhyuk scoffs.

“Him? Dating?” He pulls Kihyun’s right ear. “I wonder if he has spiders living inside his pants with all that dust.”

Hyungwon chuckles _too_ , and he sends death glares to everyone – mostly Hoseok. He wants to make some funny remarks about it, but lets it slide instead.

“I’m not rusty, y’all are just hoes.”

Minhyuk tries to drown him in the water while Hyungwon tries to stop him and Hoseok chuckles.

Kihyun ends up throwing Minhyuk into the water instead and they fight for a few minutes before Minhyuk gives up and swallows his whiskey in one sip. Kihyun gags at the sight.

He swims towards the other side of the pool, resting his back against the glass, feeling some kind of vertigo running down his spine. He’s on a 44th floor, separated from falling into the void from just a window glass.

Hoseok leaves the two lovebirds playing and splashing water together and moves next to him. He hands Kihyun his glass of vodka.

“Thanks.” He murmurs, discretely trying to peep at Hoseok. There’s no trace of purple highlights anymore on his hair, instead, it just shines a dirty blonde that softens his features. He looks like an angel – a big one, maybe an archangel.

Kihyun laughs at his own dumb ideas and Hoseok throws a questioning look at him, and Kihyun shakes his head. He’s already starting to feel tipsy and he calls it a day after finishing his glass. He doesn’t want to go to the lab tomorrow with a hangover.

“Are you staying over?” Hoseok asks, almost whispering to his ear. He feels goosebumps all over his body, and quickly looks at Hyungwon and Minhyuk, scared they’ll overhear them, but they’re too busy sucking each other faces and splashing water.

“I guess.” He looks at his hands dancing inside the water instead of at Hoseok. He’s not sure if he’s able to look at him and not kiss him right there.

“Me too.”

Kihyun swallows the lump he didn’t know he had in his throat. Sex was the closest thing he would ever get to Hoseok; no matter how many times he tried to ignore the heavy feeling settling on his chest, it was all he could get.

There’s some faint, heart-beat song playing in the background and Kihyun notices Hyungwon has clicked some buttons on his phone and the speakers on the living room, only separated from the terrace by a window glass, started playing music. It sounded just like the music they played at NB4.

“Please if you guys are going to enrol into unholy intercourses, don’t do it at the living room. We can see everything.” Kihyun grimaces, seeing the others heavily making out in front of them. “You guys are disgusting.”

“And you are just jealous.” Minhyuk darts his tongue at him before he presses a peck on Hyungwon’s lips. “And no, we have Hyungwon’s bedroom for that.”

“Do I need to say thank you that you’re not going to suck each other off in front of me?” Kihyun retorts, sarcasm spilling out of each one of his words.

“It’s the closest to sex you’ll ever be at this point in your life.” Minhyuk splashes water at him and Kihyun thinks that this is it, this is how his best friend ends up murdered.

“I’m fucking going to kill you.”

Hoseok laughs and holds his wrist to stop him, even though he knows Kihyun isn’t actually that much of a threat.

Minhyuk and Hyungwon leave shortly after, stumbling as they try to find their way out without separating one inch from each other. Kihyun didn’t even know he was grimacing until Hoseok pointed it out with a chuckle.

It all falls into a quiet silence, after that. Thankfully Hyungwon’s room seems to be either too far or soundproof, because they don’t hear a thing, and Kihyun is glad. He’s got enough of those for the rest of his lifetime.

Pushing his damp hair backwards, he hops onto the edge of the pool and sits on the already wet parquet, swinging his feet inside the water and making small waves.

Hoseok swims closer and places between his legs, his arms surrounding his lower back.

 

“So you are revirginizing yourself.” Hoseok says, impersonating Minhyuk and lips pressed against Kihyun’s tummy.

His head starts spinning around and his heart races inside his chest.

“What can I say, I’m almost a prude.”

“You didn’t seem like that when you were taking my cock the other day.”

His words go straight to Kihyun’s own cock, growing hard inside his trunks. Hoseok’s gaze drops and when he looks up his eyes are lidded and pupils dilated with lust. It’s almost insulting how good he looks.

“Hoseok.” He warns, when the older man just pulls the waistband of his trunks down and his cock sticks out. “The others-”

“We probably won’t see them again until tomorrow.” Hoseok replies, lips glued to Kihyun’s thighs. “Don’t worry about that.”

Kihyun worries about _other_ things, but everything fades quickly when Hoseok wraps his throbbing cock with his soft, pink lips and licks the tip, his tongue darting along in slow, almost painful movements that have Kihyun throwing his head back and unconsciously spreading his legs further.

Hoseok seems to like that, because he hums around Kihyun’s cock, sending vibrations through it. Kihyun has to bit back a moan.

Hoseok prods his soaked-in-saliva index finger against Kihyun’s entrance, taken him by surprise when he pushes the digit inside and bobs his head a little lower, his nose touching Kihyun’s pubic hair as he deep-throats him and _fuck_.

He turns into a moaning mess under Hoseok finger-fucking and sucking him off at the same time, feeling the orgasm building up in his stomach like fire spreading through gasoline.

“Hoseok, I-” he chokes on his words as he tries hard not to moan, but suddenly Hoseok stops all of his manoeuvres, startling Kihyun.

He hops on the edge of the pool as well and reaches out his hand to grab Kihyun’s, who can barely stand up since his legs have moulded into jelly.

“Let’s go to the bedroom.” Hoseok whispers, not giving Kihyun time to reply as he’s already dragging him inside the penthouse.

Kihyun doesn’t even have time to look properly at the bedroom, only a few quick glances while Hoseok opens the first drawer of the night-stand and pulls out a condom that rolls on his cock in a swift movement of his hand.

He’s soon pressed against the door, lips being ravished as Hoseok kisses him thoroughly and roughly, stealing his breath again with each lick, each suck and each bite. He presses his palms against Hoseok’s chest and pushes him into the mattress, quickly pulling his trunks down and kicking them away with his feet.

He straddles Hoseok with his legs and gets on top of him, aligning his cock against his entrance before sitting down, taking it all inside. It hurts but it’s bearable and soon he’s bouncing on Hoseok’s cock, riding him fast and hard, filthy sounds of skin against skin filling up the room.

“God, Kihyun.” Hoseok closes his eyes, hands firmly grabbing Kihyun’s waist as if his life depended on it, so hard that Kihyun knows he’s going to have bruises there the next morning but he couldn’t care less.

Brushing his hair away from his forehead, he opens his legs further and throws his torso back, supporting himself on one hand. It gives him a better angle to fuck himself on Hoseok’s cock and soon the warm sensation is building up again. This time, he grabs his own member and pumps it at the same time he bounces on Hoseok, letting the orgasm wash over him and hit him at full force, so strong that he sees white spots behind his eyelids.

He hears Hoseok moaning and bucking his hips harder against him, riding out his own orgasm as well.

When Kihyun opens his eyes, his body collapsing against Hoseok’s, he spots some of his cum has landed on Hoseok’s cheeks and lips. With a muffled chuckle, he grabs the sheets and cleans his face, allowing himself to give him a peck. Hoseok is too mind-blown to even realize it.

This time, when they fall asleep, Hoseok doesn’t move away and their arms slightly touch.

 

Kihyun wants to die when his alarm goes off.

Before falling asleep, he went to collect his bag from the terrace and set the alarm for the next morning, since he had to go to the lab.

Rubbing his eyes at least a thousand times before being able to open them, he looks to his side and sees Hoseok, still asleep and with his cheeks pink and messy hair. He looks like a little kid, and Kihyun’s heart swells inside his chest.

“I can feel you staring.” Hoseok murmurs, voice hoarse and husky from sleep.

“You look cute.” Kihyun replies, his fingers getting lost inside the soft strands of blonde hair. Despite all that bleaching, his hair is still surprisingly soft.

“Mmmm.”

Kihyun laughs as he gets up from bed and rummages through his bag to find clean underwear and his clothes.

Hoseok grabs his phone from the night-stand and types for a while before he sits down, back pressed against the headboard.

“I thought you weren’t working yet.” Hoseok inquires, stretching his arms.

“I don’t.” Kihyun sits on the edge of the bed, next to Hoseok’s leg. “But I have some projects to do with a classmate that we need to submit by the end of the term.”

“Sounds fun.” Hoseok says, ironically. “I will go to the gym later.”

“That doesn’t sound fun either.” Kihyun teases, poking his right foot.

When it all turns silent, Kihyun starts feeling nervous – he wants to say something about what they have done, but all the red lights inside his mind are yelling at him to stay quiet and leave it like that.

“Do you like me?” he asks, no sugar-coating it. He just _needs_ to know.

Hoseok frowns.

“If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have slept with you.” He replies, as if that was the most obvious answer in the world.

“I know.” He takes a deep breath. “But you know what I meant.”

“Kihyun.” Hoseok warns him, his expression turning into a serious one. “Don’t.”

“I just want to know.”

“You’re nice and cute and I like you – you’re like a breeze of fresh air into my life, since all I’ve had lately are old men nearing their forties. But it’s just sex, don’t try to look deeper into it. If you want something else, then we are done.”

Kihyun’s feels his heart constricting inside his chest. Even he has no right to feel bad or hurt, he still does.

“So I am just sex.” He states, pressing his hands together and getting up from the bed.

“So am I.” Hoseok replies, but he’s not looking at him anymore. “Either take it or not, but don’t ask me for anything else.”

Kihyun knew – Hyungwon had warned him and, deep inside, he already _knew_ , but hearing it pulled some strings at his heart that hurt more than he would have expected them to.

“See you around.” Kihyun says, before grabbing his bag from the floor and leaving the room, not even turning around to say goodbye.

 

*****

They don’t see each other for a month; Kihyun falls into his even more packed schedule than before, from spending long hours at the lab, tutoring kids, singing most of the nights at some bars Changkyun has gotten him into, and studying. It’s tiresome and stressful, and he doesn’t even have time to eat sometimes – but he’s managing and, most importantly, he’s not thinking about Hoseok. Or at least he tells that to himself, ignoring the fact the he still jerks off to the thought of him sometimes in the shower.

Singing doesn’t earn him that much, but sometimes he gets tips from sympathetic customers as well, and he’s got everything saved up on a little piggy bank on his desk.

He had been studying inside his bedroom, reclining on office chair and legs on the desk, with a heavy book and messy notes about organic chemistry on his lap, when Minhyuk had barged in and said they were going out that night. He had insisted, saying both Changkyun and Hyungwon were coming as well, and Kihyun was a little bit too tired of studying and even a little bit more tired of living, so he just easily gave in, sliding his legs into a pair of tight jeans and one of Minhyuk’s stripped shirts, leaving the first four buttons opened.

He should have known there was something fishing going on the very first moment Minhyuk insisted so much in him going, and now he’s standing in front of the door of NB4, looking back and forth from Minhyuk to Hyungwon. He wants to say something, but that would mean outing himself about Hoseok, so he ignores the look on Hyungwon’s face and quietly walks inside.

It feels as if he’s never stopped going there – everything was the same, the bartender was still Hyunwoo and the older men in tuxedos just looked all the same as well. It triggered Kihyun for all the wrong reasons, he felt as if any little thing could set everything on fire and he would explode. He’d rather run away from Hoseok than facing him again after leaving that day.

Hyungwon orders drinks for the four of them, Changkyun’s eyes sparkle at the sight of the luxurious wine being poured into his glass and Kihyun realizes then it’s the very first time he’s come here.

Hyungwon and Minhyuk share a peck and he starts feeling sick out of sudden, the small sip of wine he’s taken stirring his guts. It feels as if he’s about to throw up.

“I’m going to the toilet.” He announces, his voice loud enough for the other men to hear him, and before they even nod he’s headed inside the backstage door, looking for the bathroom.

It takes him sometime but he does find it (after asking one of the girls working there), and he shuts the door after him, moving towards the toilet to splash cold water on his neck and chest. It takes a few deep breathings before the bile disappears from his throat and the saliva stops feeling hot on his mouth, and by the time he opens the door there’s someone already waiting to get inside.

It’s Hoseok.

“Oh.”

Kihyun blinks and then, out of sudden, he’s being pushed inside the toilet and Hoseok’s all over him, kissing him like he _really_ means it.

It hurts, his heart starts burning and the bile appears again on his throat – he wants this more than anything, but he doesn’t want only this. Everything he’s tried to ignore this past month washes over him like a hurricane and his legs almost give in. Hoseok holds him in place and kisses him deeper, rougher, sloppier.

“I have to go dance now.” He says, breaking the kiss but giving a peck to Kihyun in between each word. “Meet me after.”

Kihyun’s already gone before he even has time to think about it.

 

Kihyun’s body feels on fire throughout the whole performance. He looks at Hoseok and how he rips his shirt apart – reminds Kihyun of how he’s also stripped him off his clothes and has gone on his knees; he remembers everything. Hoseok starts dancing around the people, darting glances at him and dares, in front of Hyungwon, Minhyuk and Changkyun, to sit on his lap and grind his butt against him, and a soft gasp escapes past his lips when he notices how hard Kihyun is. The mere friction is starting to drive Kihyun insane – he wants to take off those leather pants that do no justice to his real butt and have Hoseok riding him right there. He almost comes at the thought.

Minhyuk laughs – his cheeks are rosy from too much wine – and so does Changkyun, but Hyungwon looks concerned, wary even, because he notices how Kihyun is out of breath and his ears and chest flustered.

“Man, you totally should fuck him.” Minhyuk says, tilting his head to look at him. “He seems interested.”

Kihyun forces out a dry laugh.

“Does he.”

“I mean – he hasn’t grinded on any of us except you.” Minhyuk elbows him, raising his eyebrows.

“You are dating Hyungwon and Changkyun looks like an eel.”

“Hey!” Changkyun complains, from the other side of the couch.

“Sorry, Kyunnie, you know that I love you.” Kihyun laughs genuinely this time, trying to dodge Changkyun’s punch.

“He does seem interested though.” Minhyuk murmurs, so quietly that Kihyun would have missed it if it weren’t because he was sitting right next to him. He decides to ignore Minhyuk’s words and focus on playing around with Changkyun to avoid certain things.

He’s unable to meet Hoseok after the performance, it would be too obvious to leave for half an hour and then show up full of purple marks, sweaty and with rumpled clothes.

Hoseok joins them later, his blonde hair dishevelled and with simple clothes, but there’s still some glitter left on his face and neck and Kihyun wants to kiss it away, hard.

“Minhyuk and I will be going now.” Hyungwon ruffles Hoseok’s hair.

“Jesus Christ, y’all fuck like bunnies.” Hoseok rolls his eyes, sighing. “I barely see you anymore.”

“You’ve seen me for 20 years, I think you’ve had enough.” Hyungwon teases him, but when he tries to ruffle his hair again Hoseok grabs his arm and they start fake-fighting each other.

“I will be leaving too.” Changkyun joins the conversation. “Got a final in three days, so I must get up early tomorrow and, at this point, not even five cups of coffee will keep me awake.”

Hoseok’s lips turn into a pout, but soon he’s turning around and Kihyun’s stomach flips. They’re the only ones left.

“I-”

“Wanna go grab some dinner with me?”

Kihyun ponders his options.

“Sure.”

He avoids Hyungwon’s look and Minhyuk whispering to him how they should get their shit together and finally get on it. By the look on Changkyun’s face when they say goodbye, Kihyun knows there’s going to be some talking when he gets home.

 

Hoseok drives a Maserati. It doesn’t surprise Kihyun at all, he was either expecting that or a Ferrari, but somehow the Maserati seemed to fit Hoseok better. It was black and the windows opaque, not letting you see what was happening inside. They drive in silence, Kihyun rolls down the window and lets the night breeze mess his hair, as he stares at the city lights. It’s pretty and makes him feel gloomy and mushy, but Hoseok is prettier. He’s focused on the road and his hand effortlessly turn the wheel, his fingers tightly wrapped around the leather just like how Kihyun wants them around his cock.

Hoseok parks in a narrow, empty street where there only light comes from two almost worn-out lampposts. Kihyun frowns.

“I thought we were going to grab some dinner?”

“We are.” Hoseok unfastens his seat belt. “But I’m gonna grab mine first.”

It takes him a few seconds to realize what Hoseok meant – enough for the older man to push Kihyun’s seat back and sit on his lap, pulling him into a kiss.

Kihyun doesn’t even bother to suppress the moans this time – he kisses Hoseok fiercely and pouring all of his into it, he kisses Hoseok with all he has to offer, even if that is just some stolen kisses behind the stage and one-sided feelings. When Hoseok is kissing him like this, he forgets about his heart and pretends they are okay, that they will try to make it work out. That Hoseok likes him too.

“You were so hard back at the club.” Hoseok murmurs against his neck, already sucking on his pulsing artery. “It made me want to take off your pants and suck you off.”

“Do it.”

Hoseok’s already undoing his belt and unzipping his pants when Kihyun says that. He bucks his hips so that Hoseok can pull them down his knees, and places between them, squeezing himself in the narrow space he’s made by pushing the seat back. 

He doesn’t even hesitate, just plainly grabs Kihyun’s already leaking member and shoves it up inside his mouth, almost engulfing the whole length. Kihyun throws his head back, unconsciously trying to spread his legs even more for him. Hoseok hums in approval and produces even more saliva, soaking Kihyun like a downpour and making it much easier for him to deep-throat him.

Kihyun comes with a choked moan, filling Hoseok’s mouth with his cum, some even dripping down his chin as he swallows the bitter liquid down. He gags, but still takes it all.

“Let me take care of that.” Kihyun says, still breathless. He grabs Hoseok’s waist and pulls him closer, trying to get rid of his pants.

“Just,” Hoseok’s trembling under Kihyun’s touch, he notices when he pulls his body closer when the pants have already disappeared. “Just touch me.”

“I don’t mind sucking you off too.” Kihyun tries to insist, but the look on Hoseok’s face is so intense that Kihyun loses himself in him.

“I want to kiss you.”

Kihyun moans into the kiss, because it’s soft, a mere brush of the lips – before Hoseok’s holding his chin and pushing his tongue inside, warm and wet. Kihyun feels himself growing hard again.

He grabs Hoseok’s cock and starts pumping it, circling his thumb around the tip and spreading his precum around the area before fully encircling it with his fist. Hoseok kisses him deeper with each thrust, it has all of Kihyun’s mind and heart spinning around, he’s not sure whether he’s breathing anymore – all he can feel is Hoseok kissing him and his cock throbbing in his hand.

He doesn’t take long to come either, the orgasm builds up too soon as he was already too hard and eager from sucking Kihyun off, and he comes moaning into Kihyun’s mouth, eyes closed and his name slipping away past his tongue as the thick, warm cum lands on Kihyun’s chest.

He lets out all the air he didn’t know he was holding, falling restless against the seat, and Hoseok falls on top of him. He leaves a short trail of kisses along Kihyun’s neck and collarbones before he sits up.

“I’m starving.” He says, picking up his clothes from the carpet. “And I’m not talking about your dick this time.”

Kihyun chuckles as Hoseok clumsily tries to put on his underwear and pants before switching to the driver seat again. Kihyun pulls up his clothes as well, buttoning the stripped shirt he’s stolen from Minhyuk earlier after cleaning the cum with a tissue.

“I am starving too.” Kihyun fastens his seat belt again.

“Let’s go to the convenience store near my flat.”

Kihyun looks at him in disbelief.

“You’re rich and we’re going to a convenience store?” he asks, amused.

“What can I do, you know I love me some ramen.” Hoseok’s eyes are fixed on the road again, but his hair is messy, his cheeks tainted rosy and his lips swollen. Kihyun wants to kiss him again.

 

They eat quietly in one of the plastic tables the convenience store has settled down outside so that the customers can eat there. They both grab a pack of ramen and add the boiling water from a teapot placed there for that purpose. Hoseok looks like a little kid as he munches on the noodles, hot steam covering his face like smoke. His eyes are glassy and his lips glistening and Kihyun’s heart skips a beat inside his chest.

He is, indeed, fucked in many ways.

“What do you want to do after you graduate?” Hoseok suddenly asks, halfway through his ramen. He looks at Kihyun from behind his chopsticks.

“You mean, if I ever graduate?” Kihyun chuckles, but it’s not really a joke. He’s scared he’ll never make it, in the end. “I don’t know. I wanna work at the lab, but it’s hard. Maybe work on something like new meds.”

“Like pharmacy?” Hoseok raises his eyebrow, seeming genuinely interested. It makes Kihyun’s heart flutter.

“Kind of. My mom is a nurse, so I guess I’ve always been interested in health-related fields?”

“You’d make the cutest nurse.” Hoseok states, and Kihyun blushes furiously.

“Not really my thing.” He laughs softly. “But I like working at the lab. It’s challenging and thrilling.”

“You are a nerd.” Hoseok finishes eating the rest of his ramen and leaves the chopsticks next to the empty bottle. “I suck at numbers.”

“You suck at many things.” Kihyun jokes, but Hoseok’s expression surprisingly darkens.

“Not that many.” He whispers, but then he shakes his head and any trace of concern disappears from his face. “I took Performing Arts.”

“Oh.” Kihyun had no idea, but he should have guessed Hoseok had done something else besides dancing and striptease.

“I also danced at a bunch of dance academies, but I only stayed in one, I’m a dance teacher there now.” He sips down some water he’s bought in the convenience store as well. “I met this one guy there who told me about being a dancer and a stripper at a club, and how well they’d paid me, so I agreed.”

“Was that in NB4?” Kihyun asks, finishing his ramen as well and cleaning his mouth with a napkin.

“No, I worked in other clubs before.” Hoseok glances at his phone, and Kihyun knows the conversation is over. “It’s late, I’ll drop you at home.”

“Thank you.” Kihyun gets up from the chair after him. “I actually have to get up tomorrow early as well.”

Hoseok gives him a look.

“You should have told me.”

“I was hungry.” And I wanted to spend more time with you, he thinks.

Hoseok pecks him in front of his house and promises he’ll text him to go for dinner again.

When Kihyun enters his flat, he realizes they don’t actually have each other numbers, so he probably won’t see Hoseok in a while again.

 

*****

Kihyun is dragged into a party he doesn’t want to attend.

It’s always Minhyuk the one to grab his hand and drag him against his will almost everywhere, and he more often than not only ends up giving in to please his friend. Changkyun meets the same fate as him this time.

What Minhyuk hasn’t told them is that Hyungwon is actually the one throwing the party – inviting some other managers, businessmen and CEOs, in a flat he’s rented near the building where he lives. It’s yet another huge penthouse, Kihyun is starting to grow tired of those wealthy men he’s suddenly involved with.

Kihyun had expected a lot of people dressed up in tuxedos and drinking extremely expensive wine, but reality couldn’t be any further from that – it looks as if he’s gone clubbing, but at a whole new level. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes and weed hit him hard, making him scrunch his nose at the unpleasant smell. Everyone is wearing their best Friday clothes (or lack of thereof, to be honest), and Kihyun suddenly feels out of place with his peachy hair and shirt stolen, again, from Minhyuk’s closet that probably doesn’t cost more than $7.

Hyungwon shows up out of nowhere, pulling Minhyuk closer by the waist and leaving a soft peck on his lips. Changkyun makes a gag sound behind them and he laughs, his voice muffled by the loud EDM music playing in the background from the biggest speakers Kihyun has ever seen.

“I thought business people were all formality and responsibility.” Kihyun steps near Hyungwon to talk to him. “This looks out of a college party.”

“Most of them just want to have some fun without people judging.” Hyungwon shrugs. “They have fun and I make connections, so we are all happy.”

Kihyun has to agree he has a point.

There are men and women alike everywhere; playing billiards, drinking God knows what from the huge amount of plastic cups scattered over the table at the kitchen, some making out in the couch while others were at the swimming pool, or hanging out around it. From the end of the living room there was a table with two hookahs, a strong smell of weed around the air and everyone seems either drunk or high.

Kihyun is rather startled.

He sticks to Changkyun like glue the whole time. They manage to grab a drink (pouring the vodka directly from the bottle, Kihyun doesn’t trust those cups thrown here and there) and squeeze themselves on an empty couch that doesn’t have people either making out or already passed out.

“You know, hyung.” Changkyun rubs his feet together. “I’ve wanted to talk with you since that day at NB4.”

Kihyun was already expecting that.

“I figured.” He takes a long sip from his vodka, the sparkling bubbles hurting his throat.

“Do you and Hoseok…”

“What? Fuck?” Kihyun laughs, dry and humourless. Rubbing salt into his wound wasn’t exactly his best idea. “We do fuck, Kyunnie.”

“Yeah, well, that was kind of _obvious_.” Changkyun chuckles too, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I mean, if there’s something else.”

Kihyun laughs again, this time at his own misery.

“No, there’s absolutely nothing else going on.” Suddenly he needs another drink and the bottle of vodka is very conveniently near. “And never will.”

Changkyun gives him a concerned look.

“Ki, I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to get hurt.” He says, patting his thigh.

Too late.

“I won’t. I know my place and his place, I’m just having some fun around – for once.” He tries to laugh it off, and Changkyun pretends he believes him.

Kihyun’s on his four glass of vodka with lemon soda that he decides he needs to pee urgently. Leaving Changkyun in the living room to chat with some pretty girl, he stumbles across the corridor and opens all the doors, hoping one of them was the toilet because his bladder is about to explode.

He opens the wrong door at the wrong time.

There’s an old man with his head slightly thrown back as a younger one kisses his neck and his hands roam with his belt. Kihyun would recognize that blonde hair anywhere.

The loud sound the doorknob makes when Kihyun pushes the door open is enough to startle them both, and Kihyun turns around on his heels before Hoseok has time to even blink, disappearing into the crowd back at the living room.

Suddenly the cups on the kitchen table didn’t seem that disgusting anymore and Kihyun swallows down at least 8 of them before someone’s grabbing his hand and stopping him.

“Ki.” Changkyun says, Kihyun can see he’s worried but his friend’s face has become blurry for him. “The fuck are you doing.”

Kihyun laughs and wants to grab another cup but Changkyun won’t let him move.

“You’ve drunk enough already today. Let’s go home.”

Kihyun stops dead on his tracks, making Changkyun trip. He turns around to look at him again, and Kihyun thinks he looks pissed or maybe concerned, he’s not sure anymore.

Kihyun approaches him slowly. Hoseok could fuck whomever he wanted in that goddamn room, then he could too. Suddenly Changkyun seemed very attractive.

“Kyunnie.” He purrs, pulling the younger man into a tight hug. Changkyun’s whole body tenses when he presses his lips against his neck. “Fuck me, Kyunnie.”

Changkyun chokes on air as he pushes Kihyun aside.

“How much did you fucking drink?” Changkyun asks, sighing in exasperation. “You’re talking nonsense.”

“I’m serious though.” He pouts, or at least he thinks he does.

Changkyun doesn’t push him away when Kihyun throws his arms around his neck and pulls him into a kiss, but he doesn’t respond to it either. He lets Kihyun kiss him until he doesn’t anymore, until he pulls Changkyun into another hug and with a choked cry says _it hurts_.

He’s pulled away from the hug by a pair of strong arms, Kihyun’s turned around to see Hoseok. He’s wearing a white v-neck shirt and black pants, golden glitter all over his cheeks and neck.

“I’ll take care of him now.” That’s all Hoseok says to Changkyun before he grabs Kihyun’s hand and drags him outside.

Kihyun thinks he gives the thumbs up to Changkyun so that he won’t worry, but he’s not sure. He’s not sure of anything anymore – he feels lost, chasing something he knows he’s never going to find, something so near yet so unattainable. Hoseok was like the white sand at the beach, pretty and warm, but whenever Kihyun tried to take a hold of it, he would slip between his fingers. He would never be his.

Suddenly the alcohol hits him too hard and his legs wobble, he would have fallen if Hoseok didn’t hold him in place.

Kihyun decides he doesn’t like the silence halfway through the parking lot, when Hoseok is holding the door of his Maserati open for him.

“You look so pretty.” He blurts out, drawling the words. “I want to kiss that glitter off your face.”

Hoseok chuckles and sighs – all at the same time after closing the door. He sits next to Kihyun right after, fastening the seat belt.

“Seokkie, you can’t drive if you’re drunk.” Kihyun’s lips stretch into a pout. “That’s not okay.”

“I’m not drunk.” Hoseok reaches his arm to fasten Kihyun’s seat belt as well. “I just took one glass.”

“You are really so fucking pretty.” Kihyun says again when Hoseok’s face is inches away from him. “I don’t know what to do with myself when you’re like this.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Hoseok chuckles again, and Kihyun is probably too drunk because he thinks Hoseok blushes.

“Exactly.”

The fresh night breeze cool Kihyun down a little bit – enough for him to start getting sleepy but not less tipsy. They reach Hoseok’s penthouse in the blink of an eye, and suddenly he’s standing in Hoseok’s bedroom, his fingers unbuttoning his shirt.

“I am sad.” Kihyun thinks, but realizes a little too late he’s said that out loud.

Hoseok sighs, and he’s so close that his breath tickles Kihyun’s lips.

“I know.” Hoseok throws his shirt away and starts working on taking off his pants as well. “I’m sorry.”

Kihyun wants to ask why – why he’s sorry, why isn’t he kissing him stupid right now, why isn’t he. Instead, he just lets Hoseok stuff him into an oversized, baggy t-shirt that probably belongs to him and lead him into the mattress. He watches as the older man changes his clothes as well and uses a towelette to wipe away his make up. He uses one for Kihyun too, his fingers gently gracing his cheeks as he removes the eyeliner.

His head is spinning around when Hoseok gets on the bed and lies next to him, their hands slightly brushing. He’s not sure whether his heart is beating so fast because of the alcohol in his system or because of Hoseok; probably both.

He stares at the ceiling in silence, hearing the older man’s breathing next to him. It’s both soothing and unnerving, he wants to straddle Hoseok and kiss him until he forgets about anyone else.

“Stop thinking so hard your head is fuming.” Hoseok’s voice is calm and deep, Kihyun could drown in it.

“My head is spinning around, I can’t sleep.” He giggles as he gathers the courage out of the vodka and turns around, lying on his side.

Hoseok doesn’t look at him.

“You drank so much.” He sighs, his chest raising and falling with each breath.

“I think I kissed Changkyun too.” Kihyun frowns, trying to remember that, but he only remembers a pair of soft lips against his that didn’t move and didn’t taste like Hoseok.

“Yeah, that you did.”

“I think I asked him to fuck me.” Kihyun says, boldly. He wants to get a reaction from Hoseok so, so badly.

“Did you.” Hoseok scoffs. He finally turns around to look at him as well. “Go to sleep, you’re drunk.”

“Fuck me, Seokkie.” Kihyun shifts closer, Hoseok shifts further. It’s like a sword stabbed right through his chest.

“What am I, a second-plate?” Hoseok scoffs again, but he doesn’t seem entertained at all. He seems rather pissed and tired, all at the same time.

“That’s pretty unfair coming from you.” He replies, and it sounds too harsh.

“Is it.”

“You know damn well I was thinking about you the whole time.” Unlike you, he thinks.

Hoseok doesn’t reply.

Even in his drunken state, Kihyun thinks it would be better if he just got up and jumped off the terrace. It would probably hurt less.

“I’ll suck you off if that gets you to sleep.” Hoseok says, after a while. It doesn’t sound right.

“I want you to come too.” Kihyun bites his lower lip when Hoseok moves closer.

“I don’t want to fuck while you’re drunk.” Hoseok caresses his cheek, in such a swift movement that Kihyun thinks he’s imagined it.

“Then just hug me.”

Hoseok tenses, Kihyun can see it by the way his jaw is tightened and his hands turned into a fist. He’s really pushing through with someone who doesn’t feel the same for him. He’s become that pathetic and the mere thought makes him laugh, out loud.

Hoseok looks at him as if he’s gone insane. Which isn’t really far from the truth.

“You are unbelievable.” Hoseok shakes his head as he grabs Kihyun, a bit too forcefully, and presses his head against his chest, arms around his waist.

Kihyun breathes in the scent of sweat and expensive cologne, and something else. Out of his own jealousy thinking about the other man, Kihyun shifts closer and sucks hard on Hoseok’s neck, leaving a huge purple bruise next to his jugular.

“Ki.” Hoseok says when he stops abusing his neck. Kihyun doesn’t want to look up, he doesn’t want to see the look Hoseok is going to give him. Probably concern, disgust and pity. He doesn’t want Hoseok to pity him.

He looks anyways, but Hoseok’s gaze is unreadable and his eyes are glassy as he presses a soft peck against Kihyun’s lip.

“I’m sorry.”

Kihyun falls asleep between his arms.

 

Kihyun walks home with the worst of the headaches. He’s woken up to an empty bed and a sticky note on the night-stand, Hoseok’s neat and round handwriting saying there was food in the kitchen and he could leave whenever he was ready. Kihyun didn’t really want to leave, but after swallowing down at least five liters of water, he put on his clothes and quietly left the penthouse.

Minhyuk’s on the couch waiting for him when he arrives, arms hugging a pillow and with his legs folded on the furniture. Changkyun is nowhere to be seen.

“Finally, you’re back.” He says, and he looks really pissed. Kihyun thinks it’s the worst moment to deal with this. “So I found out yesterday that you were so drunk you almost passed out and that you went with Hoseok.”

Kihyun scratches the back of his head.

“I guess, I don’t really remember much.”

“Ki, you should have told me.” Minhyuk’s seems even more pissed now. “I found out you’re going out with Hoseok by some random dude at the party that told me when I couldn’t find neither you or Changkyun. He texted me at least saying he was going home.”

All the memories from the previous night wash over him like a waterfall right then, and Kihyun suddenly feels the urge to throw up, but he stands still.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all he can say. “I didn’t tell anyone.”

“But everyone knew apparently, besides me.” He takes a deep breath, motioning for Kihyun to sit next to him. “I feel like you don’t trust me at all.”

“Min.”

“I just wish you would lean a bit more on me, Ki. And on Changkyun. We’re both here for you but you decide to go through everything just by yourself and shut down.”

“I know.” He feels a lump on his throat, almost choking on his own words. “I just didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want it to become real.”

“What are you talking about?” Minhyuk frowns. Only then it occurs to Kihyun that he thinks he and Hoseok are dating. The simple thought it’s so unamusing that Kihyun starts laughing, feeling the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he crouches down on the couch.

“Kihyun, are you high?” he asks, grabbing his chin to look at his eyes.

He shakes his head, trying to steady himself.

“No, I’m just sad.” He replies, throwing his head back. “We’re not dating, Min. We’ve just fucked a couple of times here and there, but that’s it.”

Minhyuk seems shocked at that.

“Oh, I thought-”

“We’re not.”

It takes a few minutes before Minhyuk speaks again, the words echoing through Kihyun’s chest like a million shards.

“You like him, don’t you?”

He squeezes himself harder into the couch, as if to disappear.

“I do.”

 

*****

 

**02-312-3456**

Hello?

**Kihyun**

Hello?

**02-312-3456**

Is this Kihyun?

**Kihyun**

I think so

**02-312-3456**

Oh, thank you jesus

I thought I had texted the wrong person

**Kihyun**

Who the fuck are you

**02-312-3456**

Hoseok

**Kihyun**

Oh.

Wait really

How did you get my number?

**Hoseok**

Guess

**Kihyun**

Hyungwon

**Hoseok**

I know it was really hard.

**Kihyun**

So what do you want

**Hoseok**

I don’t work today and I’m bored.

Hyungwon is always with Minhyuk now :(

I was wondering whether you’d like to come

I mean, as in, come to my house

I know you always like to come the other way around

**Kihyun**

I just found out your number and I’m this close to blocking

**Hoseok**

I’m just joking :)

Will you come?

**Kihyun**

You’re lucky I don’t have to go to the lab today.

Also don’t ever use that :) again on me.

**Hoseok**

What why

**Kihyun**

It’s the devil

**Hoseok**

And here I thought it was cute

**Kihyun**

You are just wooing me into cooking you ramen aren’t you

**Hoseok**

Perhaps [face with tongue out]

**Kihyun**

….

 

 

Kihyun stands in front of Hoseok’s building, swinging on his feet like a pendulum. He wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t have to go to the lab (it was Saturday) but he did have to study a lot; yet, there he is, about to spend the whole day at the flat of the man he’s in love with but doesn’t like him back. Life’s funny sometimes.

Hoseok’s only wearing sweatpants when he opens the door. Kihyun’s eyes fall into the faded, huge purple hickey on his neck and he feels a wave of heat running through his body, his ears and chest flustering at the sight. Man, he really outdid himself that night.

“You can change your clothes if you want to.” Hoseok says after closing the door.

“Want to see me naked already?” Kihyun jokes, and Hoseok smacks his head.

“You know where my clothes are, just grab whatever you’re comfy with.”

Kihyun’s heart hurts when he opens the wardrobe and rummages through Hoseok’s clothes. It feels too domestic just to wear Hoseok’s clothes, a taste of what he has but really doesn’t, what he could but never will. There’s a baggy t-shirt that has Balenciaga written all over it and decides to stuff himself into a $800 worth shirt just to hang around the house. He stares at himself in the mirror – he’s gained some weight but he still looks thin and petite, Hoseok doubles him in size, and the dark circles under his eyes are almost as purple as Hoseok’s hickey.

Hoseok’s sprawled on the couch when he comes back, there are popcorns and soda on the table and Netflix on the TV. He quietly sits next to Hoseok, placing his legs on his lap.

“I’ve scrolled down through all the films and there’s none worth watching, so I settled down for one of those sappy, American coming out stories. It probably will be bad but hey, enough for me to munch all those popcorns.”

Kihyun couldn’t care less about the film – until they get their shit together and their friends are crying and they kiss and are happily ever after; Kihyun wants to punch the TV, then.

He hears Hoseok sniffling besides him.

“Are you crying?” he asks, turning around in disbelief.

Hoseok is, indeed, weeping. His nose is red and runny and his cheeks are damp from the tears.

“Am not.” Hoseok hides his face behind a cushion, but Kihyun’s already seen him.

“Oh my god, you’re a cry-baby, I can’t believe.” Kihyun laughs and pats his head. He feels fuzzy and warm inside for all the wrong reasons.

“Shut up.”

Kihyun tickles Hoseok until he’s squirming underneath him, rolling his body and bringing Kihyun with him, both of them falling to the floor with a loud thud.

“Ouch.” Kihyun caresses his butt. “That hurt.”

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok seems nothing but apologetic as he reaches his hand out for Kihyun to stand up, a huge grin on his face.

“I bet you are.”

He helps Hoseok take all the left outs to the kitchen, putting the soda back at the fridge and the bowl where the popcorns were in the dishwasher.

“I’m still starving.” Hoseok announces when his stomach growls as if he had a whole wolf inside. “Are you up for cooking something? I’ll help.”

Kihyun knows Hoseok means well even though he can’t cook for shit.

“Sure.”

Hoseok plays some hip-hop and rock music in his phone that leaves on the fridge before he sets the water to boil and helps Kihyun cutting the vegetables. They cook in silence – Kihyun checking from time to time whether the noodles are already soft so that he can add the egg to get poached. When it’s all ready, he adds the fresh and dried vegetables and moves the whole thing with a spoon before turning off the vitroceramic. Hoseok’s eyes are sparkling when Kihyun splits the noodles in two different plates and hands him the chopsticks.

“They’re done.” He says, and waits for Hoseok to taste them. He practically moans into the food, and it has Kihyun smiling so much that his eyes turn into crescents.

“You should cook for me forever.” Hoseok says, mouth full of noodles. Kihyun’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore when he laughs at that.

They eat quietly – the soft, humming music playing from the kitchen as they both munch on their food; Kihyun has to admit the ramyun tastes delicious and self-praises himself for that. If he failed as a chemist he could always pursue cooking.

Hoseok’s the one to put the dishes into the dishwashing that time, telling Kihyun to just stay at the living room and digest the food.

“Do you want to take a bath?”

Kihyun looks up from his phone screen so fast he almost breaks his neck at the words. Hoseok’s looking at him from the door, resting his side against the door frame, and he’s staring so intensely that Kihyun’s whole body feels on fire.

Without a word, he gets up from the armchair and follows Hoseok into the bathroom, only to realize he’s actually never been there before.

Kihyun gasps at the sight. The floor is made of parquet, just like the terrace, but there’s an intricate pattern that gives off a homey feeling; Kihyun wonders whether it’s the brown colours that make him feel so mushy out of sudden. There are two big round mirrors on the wall with two sinks underneath, but only one was filled with Hoseok’s makeup and toothbrush. At the end of the room there was another huge window glass with a porcelain bathtub in the middle, and Kihyun realizes when he’s already taken a few steps inside that next to the bathtub there’s another glass door that leads to a shower. Besides all of that, there are a few shelves here and there full of Hoseok’s things, from creams to shampoos, and the odd-shaped lamps emitted a pretty warm light.

Kihyun is speechless for a moment – he’ll never get used to those things.

Hoseok plays some R&B music on his phone, leaving it on the sink before he takes off his sweatpants. He’s wearing nothing under them and Kihyun’s cheeks turn red at the sight. He’s seen Hoseok naked many times before, but he would never not be amazed at how beautiful the man in front of him is – he wants to kiss his thighs, kiss every one of his moles and folds, wants to kiss every scar and spot while he makes him his. The thought of having Hoseok all spread for him, sweaty and panting, on the mattress is enough to send shivers down his spine and he gets hard in the worst moment. Hoseok chuckles when Kihyun takes off the Balenciaga shirt and the underwear and his cock stands up against his stomach.

“Come here.” He says, motioning for Kihyun to get into the water.

It’s balmy and there’s a bath bomb dissolving that Kihyun doesn’t know when Hoseok has thrown it inside, but it smells of cherry blossoms and daffodils and there’s a warm sensation spreading through his stomach.

Hoseok gets in the bathtub as well, sitting in front of him so that both of their knees are touching.

They remain quiet, only the soft music and the splashing of the water filling up the room. Kihyun sighs as he looks at the city displayed from the window glass. It’s getting late and Seoul is starting to sparkle, like stars in the night sky.

There’s a feeling of emptiness in his chest that he’s not sure where to place at, but he wants Hoseok to come closer so that he can pretend they can make it work once again.

He says so, avoiding the last part, and Hoseok turns around and places between his legs, throwing his head against Kihyun’s chest.

Hoseok closes his eyes and relaxes into the feeling of Kihyun caressing his shoulders and neck, relaxes into the feeling of Kihyun pressed against him and leaving soft kisses behind his ears.

Kihyun’s heart feels so full and warm that he wants to cry. It’s starting to tear him apart.

He lets Hoseok gently wash his body and hair, and he does the same. His cock twitches in Hoseok’s hand when he grabs the flaccid shaft to wash it as well, but soon he’s focused on his thighs and he’s left half-hard.

They only kiss when they’re back at the bedroom, only a towel around their waists and still droplets of water running down their chests.

Kihyun says then what’s been on his mind lately.

“Let me fuck you.” He mutters, against Hoseok’s lips. “I want to make you feel good too.”

Hoseok breaks the kiss and pushes Kihyun away.

“No.” he replies, rather sharply. It takes Kihyun aback. “I don’t bottom.”

“But – I’ve tried both and I thought we could-”

 “No.”

Kihyun notices the change in the atmosphere – how Hoseok’s face has hardened and the words cut through him like blades.

“Whenever I sleep with men, I’m always the one who tops.”

“I thought we had something more than just one of those quick fucks you have.”

“Kihyun.” Hoseok’s voice tone is a warning – a warning for Kihyun not to get into riptides.

“I’m not stupid, Hoseok. I _know_ very well we are nothing, that we have nothing going on. But at least I thought it meant more to you than all those hooks up. Guess I was wrong.” He quickly tosses away the towel and grabs his clothes from the bed, where he’s let them earlier.

“Please, don’t try to call me or text me again, I think I’ve had enough.”

He only allows himself to cry when he’s left the building and is sure Hoseok is not going to chase after him.

 

*****

To say that Hoseok tries to contact him is an understatement – he called and texted him nonstop, but Kihyun ignored everything. He wanted so much to throw his pride away and answer and say how much he actually misses him – but he’s had enough. Hoseok really thought he could have him cooking and doing all sort of things that made Kihyun’s palms sweat and heart race, but only consider him as another night-stand. He knew better than that.

Hoseok shows up at his door on the sixth day.

Changkyun and Minhyuk were playing Overwatch in the living room and wouldn’t open the door when someone had already pressed the doorbell a hundred of times. Groaning, Kihyun had left his notes and his bedroom and went to open the door, only to almost faint when he saw who was behind those rings.

He tries to close the door, but it’s too late because Hoseok’s foot is already against the door frame and it won’t close.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice cold and out of any emotion. He can feel Changkyun and Minhyuk staring.

“I want to talk.” Hoseok bites his lower lip.

“Well, I don’t. I told you not to reach out for me, so please leave.”

“Ki, please.” He tries to insist, and Kihyun sighs heavily before he moves aside and lets Hoseok in.

Changkyun and Minhyuk put the play station on stand-by and hide inside the corridor, alleging they were in their bedrooms as if Kihyun didn’t know them better.

“Spit it out.”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

Kihyun squints his eyes at him.

“I did all of those things without really thinking how they would affect or mean to you. I was being selfless and reckless.”

Kihyun’s feels another blow at his heart.

“I don’t think I’m following you.” He says, but he actually is.

“I meant to say that I wasn’t careful of my actions and because of that I hurt you. I might have implied something that is not and confused you – so I’m sorry about that.” Hoseok rubs his scalp.

Kihyun has to fight the sudden urge to punch him, but the tears are already rolling down his cheek.

“I fucking hate you.” He says, swallowing down a sob. “You don’t get to come to my house and say you’re sorry about all of those things we did because I am truly just another quick fuck to you.”

“Ki-”

“You don’t get to come to my house and tell me all of this when you know damn well I’m fucking in love with you, Hoseok, you just don’t.” Another sob escapes past his lips and his throat feels on fire. “Get out of my house and don’t ever come close to me again.”

“Kihyun, please.”

“I was even – I even started working at different bars as a singer to earn some extra money so that I could treat you to dinners as well, because I am _that_ supid.” Kihyun chokes on his words and Hoseok tries to approach him, but he steps back.

“I think you really should leave right now, Hoseok.”

That’s Minhyuk, who moves towards Hoseok before Changkyun’s wrapping his arms around Kihyun.

“Leave before I break your nose.” He hears Minhyuk hissing and Hoseok steps back then. He doesn’t look back and then the door is closed and Minhyuk is hugging him as well as Changkyun and he’s crying his heart out.

He hears one of them – not sure whether it’s Minhyuk or Changkyun – reassure him and pat his back while he cries until he’s almost dry, until his throat is raw and his chest feels empty. He feels asleep sandwiched between his two roommates.

 

He wakes up to a sore throat and heavy heart. Minhyuk’s somewhere in the kitchen making a lot of noise while Changkyun’s still pressed against him, snoring softly. The younger man opens his eyes when Kihyun tries to untangle their limbs and go to the bathroom.

“Morning.” He says, voice hoarse and eyes puffy. He looks cute.

“Morning.”

Kihyun slumps back on the bed and snuggles against Changkyun’s chest, who puts his arms around his waist and pulls him closer.

“I’m sorry about the other day.” Kihyun murmurs, voice muffled against the other’s shirt. He doesn’t need to say what day he’s talking about for Changkyun to understand.

“Don’t be, it’s okay.” Changkyun caresses his hair softly, fingers threading the peachy strands of hair.

“It’s not. I kissed you.”

“You also asked me to fuck you.” Changkyun laughs softly.

Kihyun feels a wave of embarrassment rushing through his body, turning his cheeks red. He groans and squeezes himself even harder against the younger’s chest.

“I am really sorry about that as well, I barely remember anything.”

“You were so drunk, hyung, I was really worried.” He sounds genuinely concerned and it makes Kihyun’s heart ache. He’s always so careless and makes the people who truly care about him worry.

“I’m just plain stupid.” Kihyun sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. “But I am really sorry about all of that.”

“Relax, hyung, it’s really okay. I probably would have done the same if I were in your shoes.” It sounds like a lie, but Changkyun’s voice is soft and reassuring and Kihyun lets him comfort him. “But don’t tell Minhyuk, he’s probably going to make nasty jokes about a threesome, not inviting him and him dating Hyungwon.”

Kihyun laughs, because it’s true that Minhyuk was just like that.

Speaking of the devil, Minhyuk pushes the door open with his legs as he carries a huge metal tray on his hands that he places on the bed, right in front of Kihyun.

“I made breakfast for all of us.” He says, smiling proudly and sitting in front of them. “And I didn’t burn the kitchen.”

“I’m scared of being poisoned.” Changkyun jokes as he grabs one sweet egg toast and gives Kihyun the other. There’s also raspberry juice and soy milk for Kihyun.

“Be thankful the hospital is near.” Minhyuk laughs as he grabs another sandwich and diligently munches on it.

The toast tastes so nicely that Kihyun forgets for a good 10 minutes that he’s sad. When he does remember, suddenly the food doesn’t seem so good and his stomach hurts. He sips his vanilla-flavoured soy milk and listens to Changkyun and Minhyuk bantering about whatever gossip was going on in their classes, but he’s not really paying attention.

He stops singing and focuses on working on extra assignments at the lab, some of them being passed with flying colours because he’s got nothing better to do – he studies and works, making the lab almost his second home; he’s only out of it to sleep or tutor the kids, he even eats at the canteen most of the time, and studies with Changkyun and Minhyuk at the library.

That day, he leaves the lab later than usual, having gotten distracted trying to adjust some chemical reaction that wouldn’t work. It had him gritting his teeth and knitting his eyebrows together, but he managed. However, it was already late outside, dark enough for the street lamps to be turned on, so he squeezes himself inside his wool coat and heads home.

That’s until he spots the huge light-blue Jaguar parked in front of the campus. He squints his eyes and his heart skips a beat, until he remembers Hoseok drives a Maserati.

He spots Hyungwon’s pink head inside as he rolls down the window and motions for him to get inside. Kihyun’s a little suspicious about that, but he gets inside anyways and sighs in relief when it’s just the two of them.

“Relax, there’s no Hoseok in sight.” Hyungwon chuckles as he waits for Kihyun to fasten his seat belt before starting the car.

Kihyun shifts uncomfortably in his seat at the mention of his name, and Hyungwon stares at him from the corner of his eye.

“I’ve been meaning to talk with you since forever but things have been very busy lately. I’ve signed up with an idol company as a manager.”

“Oh my god!” Kihyun turns around in his seat, a smile on his face. After all, he’s still Hyungwon’s friend. “Congratulations!! I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Hyungwon smiles as well, turning the wheel a bit too forcefully and Kihyun slides in his seat to the left. “How have you been?”

“Like fucking shit.”

Hyungwon laughs and parks nearby a restaurant, some Korean beef BBQ. Kihyun’s mouth waters just at the thought of it.

“I thought we could have some dinner while we talk?” Hyungwon asks, once he’s already parked.

“Sure, but I hope the food’s on you.” Kihyun half-jokes, because he only brought 13.000 won to university, enough to pay for some lunch and he’s definitely not going to be able to afford dinner there.

“Deal.” Hyungwon winks as he gets out of the car.

The place is rather full, a lot of couples, friends and families sitting around the tables while comfortably chatting and cooking the meat. Kihyun’s stomach growls at the sight and he recalls it’s been a while since he’s eaten a decent meal.

The waiter guides them to one of the empty tables at the back of the room and they order four dishes of beef, two of chicken and a bunch of side dishes.

“I don’t think we’re going to be able to eat all of that.” Kihyun says when everything arrives; there’s probably enough food for four of them.

“Just eat as much as you want, you look thinner than last time.” Hyungwon grabs one of the beef pieces and puts it on the grill.

“I’ve been busy.” Kihyun tries to avoid the topic, even when he knows it’s the only thing they’re going to talk about. Hopefully, this time he won’t get a sick stomach. He’s getting better at it by each passing day – thinking about Hoseok still hurts like hell, but the wound is less fresh.

“You look so stiff, Ki.” Hyungwon laughs, his mouth full of meat. “Relax and just eat, we can talk about that later.”

Kihyun is thankful for that.

They talk about everything and nothing – Hyungwon tells Kihyun how he made really good connections the day of the party, one of them being the CEO of a popular idol company and how he was offered a job to be the manager of the newest boy group, while Kihyun mentions how he’s stopped singing and focused on studying and working extra hours at the lab, while still tutoring the kids twice a week. He didn’t earn much but at least it was some extra cash he could use to buy food or the new GTA when it came out.

Much to Kihyun’s surprise, they do end up eating all the meat and side dishes, leaving everything almost as clean as if they’ve just come out of the dishwasher, but Kihyun can barely get up from the floor afterwards, his tummy weighing a ton. It seems that Hyungwon’s just like him as well.

They order water to push the food down their throats – Kihyun refuses to order beer or soju, he had enough alcohol that day for the rest of his life; also he would probably throw everything up, and it had been too tasty and too expensive to meet that fate.

Hyungwon brings the topic once they’re outside again, walking through the nearest park.

“I’m not here to play the good friend and defend Hoseok.” Hyungwon says. “I actually already gave a piece of my mind to him after I found out when Minhyuk spent a whole day being livid and trashing about him.”

Kihyun chuckles – he can totally picture Minhyuk doing that.

“But?” he asks.

“But…well, I’m not going to say ‘I told you so’, but I told you so.” Hyungwon chuckles, but it’s more a sad laugh than anything else.

“I know.” Kihyun pouts. “But it’s not like you can really control your feelings and believe me, I didn’t want them to happen.”

“I’m really sorry you had to go through all of that. Hoseok was a fucking ass and completely led you on and you deserved none of that.”

“He warned me, though, he said it was just sex a lot of times but then he did all of those things…”

“That he really shouldn’t have if he knew how you feel and how that could be misunderstood.” Hyungwon almost hisses. “I’m disappointed about that. He’s usually better than this.”

Kihyun sighs.

“It’s okay, I’ll just get over it eventually.” Or so he hopes. “At least the sex was good.”

Hyungwon laughs, this time it reaches his eyes before his expression turns serious again.

“I know this might be a little too personal, but…did you, you know, top?”

“No.” he shakes his head. “He refused.”

Hyungwon purses his lips into a thin line.

“Did he tell you why?”

He shakes his head again.

“I guess that’s something he should tell you and not up to me – it’s a rather really personal story.”

Kihyun stops dead on his tracks.

“You’re totally trying to be _that_ friend and get me into talking to him again.”

“I swear I’m not. I just think you deserve at least to know why he refused to that so strongly. But it’s not my place to tell that story.”

“I’m not talking to him again.”

Hyungwon laughs.

“I know.”

 

*****

 

Hyungwon shows up again at the front of his campus one week later.

Kihyun squints his eyes at the light-blue Jaguar and he sighs as he heads to the car; he could do some talking if that meant he got to eat for free.

His breath gets caught in his throat when he enters the car and turns around not to meet Hyungwon but Hoseok.

“What the fuck.” He says, and it’s meant for a lot of things.

First, because it’s Hoseok. Second, because he’s dyed his hair black and Kihyun forgets how to breathe.

“Hey.” Hoseok gives him an apologetic smile, small and not looking directly at him.

Kihyun’s first reaction is to get out of the car, but of course it’s locked. He knows Hoseok will open the door if he just tells him to, but stays still instead.

“Hey you.” He murmurs, still shamelessly staring at the man in front of him. God, he looked even more beautiful, if that was even possible.

“It’s been a while.” Hoseok says, his left foot softly leaving the clutch and the car starting to run.

“I honestly thought it would be a longer while.” He replies, annoyed. Seeing the older man again brought all the memories he’s been working so hard the past month to push to the back of his mind.

“Hyungwon would have skinned me alive if I had spent one more day without talking to you – but actually I was – _am_ – really scared.”

“Of course it’s Hyungwon’s doing.” Kihyun scoffs, letting out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding.

“He’s really concerned about you.” Hoseok replies, sincerely. “He was so angry at me that day, I’ve never seen him like that.”

“No wonder.” Kihyun scoffs again; he’s not buying anymore bullshit.

“I wanted to explain a lot of things.” Hoseok parks in front of his building.

“I don’t want to hear them.” Kihyun turns around to finally look at him. “You and your apologies can fuck off.”

He’s actually dying to hear them, he wants to hear Hoseok telling him that he loves him too and that they can work things out – but he knows things are never going to be like that, and he can spare himself from more pain at least. He feels the scarred wound slowly and painfully ripping open the more he looks at the beautiful, black-haired man sitting in front of him. He’s struggling with himself – he wants more than anything to unfasten his seat belt, pull Hoseok by the collar and kiss him senseless; but he can’t. He mustn’t.

“You can hate me all you want but at least hear them out.” Hoseok sighs. Kihyun notices that he looks tired and restless; there are big dark circles under his eyes and they lack the usual mischievous spark. It tugs at Kihyun’s heart. “You deserve to know about it.”

“I think I’ve already suffered enough.” Kihyun throws his head against the seat. “But spit it out.”

Hoseok’s seems to light up at that – he probably was expecting Kihyun to ask him to open the door and leave.

“Do you want to come inside? I can order some food and-”

“Hoseok, this is not a fucking date. Just talk.” He cuts him off, sharply. He’d rather throw himself in front of a trunk than to go back to the penthouse and eat with him like he didn’t break his heart a month ago.

Hoseok shuts his mouth, the sparkle from before quickly dying. It hurts Kihyun more than banging his head against a door.

Hoseok sighs and his hands are tightly grabbing the wheel even though the car is parked, almost scratching the leather with his nails.

“You know how I told you I used to work for other clubs before NB4 right?” Kihyun nods his head. None of them are looking at each other. “They were some underground clubs and strip clubs. I used to dance and perform in a lot, trying to gain some fame.”

He takes a deep breath and stays quiet for a few minutes before talking again.

“Those were nothing like NB4. Here almost everyone is a married man in their forties who wants some distraction or because they are forced into a straight marriage, but it was nothing like that back then.”

Kihyun’s throat turns dry. He knows where this is heading and he doesn’t like any of it.

“Everyone there was either too drunk or too high, they didn’t respect anyone and touched and did whatever they wanted. I usually don’t do sex with anyone unless they pay a huge amount – I’m not a prostitute, but I’m not stupid either.”

Kihyun clutches hard the seat between his fists.

“Back then I didn’t have a problem with being top or bottom, but I was taken advantage of many, many times. More than I’d like to remember. I managed to get out and Hyungwon had a friend who knew Hyunwoo and I found out about NB4. It was just exactly what I needed, so I started working out like crazy and grew three sizes and started working there. Since that day I was always the one in control – I just did what I had to do, I was in control and I earned money. I didn’t even come most of the times.”

“Hoseok-”

“When you brought that up all I could remember was all those moments and I panicked and, as usual, I fucked up. I am a fucking mess and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, you deserve better than someone like me, Ki.”

Kihyun feels tears gathering at the corner of his eyes and he has to shut them to prevent them from falling.

“I want you to know that it had nothing to do with you and that you were never just a quick fuck for me. I told you how I never slept with anyone unless they paid a really huge amount of money, but I’ve never wanted one single penny from you. I just wanted you.”

Kihyun thinks he’s going to suffocate and pass out inside that car, the air around him suddenly feels too heavy to breath and he’s starting to sweat. There are tears rolling down his cheeks as well.

“I’m sorry I hurt you so much because I was being so careless and reckless and didn’t even consider your feelings, I’m a self-centred bastard and you truly deserve better than that.”

“Please, spare me from all of that.” Kihyun finally says, and he’s proud of how steady his voice actually sounds. Maybe because his blood is starting to boil. “I think you already gave me those fucking lines back at my house, I don’t need to hear again how you were so careless and led me on and you just want to be friends. I don’t fucking need to hear that bullshit again.”

Hoseok frowns, and his voice is so soft when he talks again that it reminds Kihyun of honey.

“Kihyun.” He says, his hand softly pressed against his thigh. Kihyun squirms under his touch. “I am only going to say this once, so please listen carefully.”

“I don’t want to.” Kihyun turns around and tries to open the car, only to find again that it’s closed and he had forgotten. “Please open the door.”

“Kihyun.” Hoseok’s voice is still soft but he sounds more desperate this time. He leans over him and grabs his chin, forcing Kihyun to look at him. They’re painfully close and Kihyun can feel Hoseok’s breath against his lips – all the alarms inside him set off like fire through gasoline. He hates how much his body still responds to him, and probably always will.

“Open the car.” Kihyun tries again, but he doesn’t mean it anymore – not when Hoseok is so close and his scent fills Kihyun’s nostrils; the smell of coffee, expensive cologne and rain, everything that reminded him of Hoseok, and he hates that he feels all warm inside.

“Kihyun.” Hoseok says again. This time he listens. “I want you to come with me to the penthouse and make love to me.”

Kihyun blinks.

He blinks twice, thrice and a thousand times, not believing what he’s just heard. It must be a dream, his own life laughing at him, and he’s going to wake up all sweaty and completely devastated.

Hoseok only shifts closer, their lips briefly touching.

“I’m all yours, Kihyun.”

Kihyun trembles when Hoseok gently caresses his cheek, so soft and gently that it was almost imperceptible. He realizes Hoseok is waiting – he’s waiting for him to move and close the distance between them, he’s waiting for him to make the move. Kihyun, like the stupid fool in love he is, leans in and presses their lips together. Hoseok gasps into the kiss, as if he wasn’t actually expecting Kihyun to do it, and that only encourages him to tilt his head and kiss him deeper. They kiss for a while, Hoseok eventually sits on top of him and cups his cheek as he licks and bites Kihyun’s lips, making both of them moan into the kiss.

“Let’s-”

Kihyun nods, leaving a short peck on the other’s lips before opening the door, and this time it does, but Kihyun is not leaving. Instead, he grabs Hoseok’s hand and kisses him again inside the elevator, with enough time to make a hickey blossom on his milky neck before the door opens and they walk inside the penthouse.

Everything is just like how Kihyun remembered, maybe messier and more lifeless, it seems as if Hoseok hadn’t moved from the couch in ages, but he will have time to ask about that after.

He takes his sweet time undressing Hoseok – undoing each one of the buttons of his Burberry shirt and letting the fabric fall unceremoniously to the floor. He kisses each one of the marks and spots on Hoseok’s skin, every little imperfection on his raw skin making Kihyun’s heart swell, so he kisses them even more and tells Hoseok how beautiful he is at least a hundred times. He palms his pecs and pinches the hard and over-sensitive studs, earning soft mewls from Hoseok as he opens his mouth and throws his head back, his hands holding Kihyun’s waist. He leaves a trail of kisses all over his tummy, making a hard smooching sound against his navel before he pulls the older man into another kiss – slower but deeper than before.

His own shirt is tossed away as Hoseok’s hands roam all over his exposed torso, making him shiver and squirm underneath his touch. Wherever Hoseok’s fingers trace, there is a burning sensation that spreads all over Kihyun’s body and goes straight to his cock.

“Lie down on the bed.” He whispers against Hoseok’s ear, sucking on the earlobe and tasting the metallic piercing on his tongue.

He gets rid of his own pants, the fabric too uncomfortable to keep for what he’s about to do, and slowly pulls Hoseok’s jeans down as well. He’s wearing some Calvin Klein underwear that look straight out of a TV commercial, but they end up on the floor too.

Kihyun’s heart stops beating at the sight – Hoseok’s lying on his back and completely naked, waiting for him to make a move. He looks vulnerable and there’s a pink flush all over his chest that has his heart skipping a beat.

“You’re so beautiful.” He says, mostly to himself, but Hoseok has heard him anyways and the flush deepens and Kihyun loses his mind.

He grabs the lube and a condom from where he remembered Hoseok kept them, inside the first drawer of the night-stand, and spreads the other’s legs. His thighs are thick and not for the very first time Kihyun thinks Hoseok could crush his head with them and he’d say thank you. They were worth all the praise in the world, so he does. He tells Hoseok again and again how beautiful and good he is and Hoseok is a mess even before Kihyun pushes a soaked finger past his hole. It feels tight and warm, the thought of being buried inside is almost unbearable and Kihyun almost comes right there.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, lips pressed against his inner thigh. Hoseok’s untouched cock remains hard and flushed against his stomach, the pre-cum leaking all over it.

Hoseok shakes his head and manages to utter a breathy ‘no’. He whines when Kihyun’s suddenly gone, both of his hand spreading his legs even further instead of finger-fucking him.

“Turn around.” Kihyun orders, patting his thigh. “And butt up.”

Hoseok obliges and Kihyun’s knees turn weak at that. Hoseok’s completely at his mercy, letting him do whatever he wants with him because he _trusts_ him, and Kihyun thinks he could cry right there.

Instead, he cups Hoseok’s asscheeks and massages them in circles. Damn, Hoseok had an ass worth dying for. He spreads them and looks as the pink, little hole clenches on air – begging for Kihyun to pay attention to him. So he does, but uses his tongue rather than his fingers, and Hoseok moans so loud that Kihyun thinks everyone in that building must have heard him. It encourages him to go further; he keeps both hands spreading Hoseok’s asscheeks as his tongue has its way with him, licking and pushing and slurping the saliva, eating him out until Hoseok trembles underneath his manoeuvres and Kihyun knows he’s close. Using one hand and with his tongue still fucking Hoseok’s hole, he takes the lube placed next to him and pours a decent amount on his other hand, using it to grab Hoseok’s cock and pump it at the same pace he darts his tongue, and he comes with a choked moan muffled by the pillow.

“Kihyun, fuck, I-”

“Come here, baby.”

Trembling, Hoseok turns around and Kihyun hovers over him, pulling him into a kiss. He is so painfully hard that it’s starting to hurt. Still on top of him, Kihyun spreads his legs open with his knee and pushes three fingers inside instead of two. Hoseok whimpers against his mouth at the sudden intrusion, but he’s all wet from Kihyun’s saliva and they go in and out smoothly, the squelching sounds filling the room.

It’s when Kihyun has already three fingers inside that Hoseok asks him to take them out and finally fuck him, and Kihyun has never been gladder to hear those words. He wonders whether he’s going to be able not to come just with pushing the tip inside.

It’s almost unbearable – how tight and hot Hoseok feels around him, and he has to suck hard on air to stop himself from coming right there.

“Is it okay?” he asks, kissing Hoseok’s cheeks a hundred times.

“Yes. Move.” Hoseok replies, his hands on Kihyun’s back, holding onto him so hard that Kihyun thinks he’s going to break him in half.

They both moan when Kihyun finally moves. Slowly, he bucks his hips and pushes down right after, Hoseok’s hole stretching around him wider with each thrust.

Kihyun loses it when Hoseok suddenly sits up, making him gasp in surprise. He’s sitting on the bed with his legs spread and Hoseok’s sitting on his lap, straddling him and with his own legs surrounding his body.

“Kihyun.” Hoseok whispers against his mouth.

“Mmm?”

“ _Kihyun_.” He says again, and it’s halfway between a moan and a plea. “Please look at me while I ride you, I need you to know how much you mean to me.”

Kihyun feels the tears gather on the corner of his eyes but he doesn’t have time to do anything, because Hoseok kisses him as he starts riding him, with his cock squeezed between both of their tummies and getting the friction it longs for so much. Hoseok moans into the kiss when Kihyun hits the bundle of nerves inside him and that’s it for Kihyun, he can’t hold it any longer. He closes his eyes and cries and moans Hoseok’s name as the orgasm hits him too hard, so hard that he blacks out for a few seconds before Hoseok kisses him deeper and comes for the second time that day, untouched and between both of them.

Hoseok hides his face on the juncture between Kihyun’s neck and shoulder, trying to steady his breathing as he leaves soft pecks all over it.

Kihyun hugs him and pulls out before lying down and bringing Hoseok along with him.

He caresses the older man’s back, who nuzzles his nose against Kihyun’s neck and kisses him softly, their breathings slowing down and their hearts synchronize.

“Ki.” He’s the first one to talk, his voice raspy after moaning Kihyun’s name out loud.

“Yes?”

“I am starving.”

Kihyun chuckles, pushing Hoseok off him.

“Let’s go make something, I’m hungry too.”

They put on some clothes – Hoseok’s sweatpants – and head to the kitchen. It’s already night and they have to turn on the light to see.

Hoseok back-hugs him when he’s cutting some zucchini, resting his chin on his shoulder. Kihyun’s heart almost goes under cardiac arrest.

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok says, inhaling deeply.

“For what?” Kihyun presses. He wants to hear at least two thousand apologies and indulges in the feeling of Hoseok looking so apologetic.

“You know for what.” Hoseok traces circles with his thumbs on his hipbones. “I ran away because I was scared.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath and turns around, poking at Hoseok’s chest.

“I was so hurt.” He pouts. He didn’t mean it to sound incriminating, but it was actually the truth.

Hoseok lowers down his head.

“I know.” He grabs both of Kihyun’s hands, still not looking at him. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Kihyun doesn’t know whether he should laugh or cry.

“Will you?” he asks, teasingly, poking at his pecs again, but Hoseok still looks utterly sad when he nods and it’s starting to break Kihyun.

“I will.” Finally, he looks back at Kihyun. His eyes are teary but there’s a strong determination in them. “Let’s get to know each other better and go on dates. I want to do all of that with you, even if we go slow.”

Kihyun thinks he could die right there and he would be happy.

“For now let’s make dinner.” He pulls Hoseok into a kiss, holding the older man’s nape to make it deep and let him know he’s serious about this too.

When they part, Hoseok’s cheeks are rosy and his ears red and Kihyun melts.

 

Minhyuk almost snaps his neck when Kihyun tells him and Changkyun about Hoseok during dinner the next day.

“You did _what_?” he asks, his jaw dropped to the floor and the spoon falling against the dish with a loud thud.

“We fucked. But beautifully this time, with feelings and all.” He says, trying hard to maintain a stoic face and not burst out laughing.

Changkyun is the first one to crack up at his words.

“The fuck, Kihyun.” He says, in between laughs. Kihyun laughs with him too while Minhyuk just looks at them as if they’ve gone insane.

“Yes, the _fuck_ , Kihyun.” Minhyuk repeats after, still in disbelief. “I don’t trust that fucker. I hope he knows if he hurts you again I’m really going to murder him and drop him at the nearest ditch, and I mean it.”

Kihyun laughs – but he knows Minhyuk really means it. Even though it was meant to be a threat, Kihyun dwells in the feeling of being so cared for – of having people who genuinely care for him.

“I know.” He pats Minhyuk’s thigh under the table, poking at his knee. “I doubt he was lying.”

“He better.” Changkyun adds, munching on his food.

Kihyun smiles at them.

 

*****

 

He goes back to NB4 that night, in an attempt to surprise Hoseok. Hyunwoo looks at him as if he’s just seen a ghost when he suddenly sits on one of the barstools, after almost two months of not visiting the place.

“I didn’t think I’d be seeing that apricot head again.” He jokes, a glass on his hands that he’s drying with a cloth.

“It’s peachy, not apricot-y.” Kihyun jokes back, prodding his elbows at the bar. “I’ll take the same as usual, please.”

Hyunwoo was already opening the Disaronno bottle when Kihyun talks. He waits until the other man is pushing the glass in his direction and takes a sip of the sweet drink.

“You’re here for Hoseok?” Hyunwoo asks, his eyebrows raising out of curiosity.

Kihyun nods, not even trying to supress the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“We have a _thing_ going on.”

Hyunwoo almost drops the glass he was holding.

“You – what?”

Kihyun winks at him, rejoicing in his own self-victory. Hyunwoo could eat his ass for not trusting his abilities (okay, maybe Hyunwoo _did_ have a reason to warn him, but still Kihyun would never admit his previous defeat).

“I’ll get going now.” Kihyun announces, gulping down the rest of the drink and waving farewell to Hyunwoo before disappearing inside the backstage door.

He walks through the long corridor full of signed pictures of famous people, towards Hoseok’s own dressing room, which was at the end of it, right after the corner.

He brushes his hair, still not used to having this side of Hoseok just for him, and pushes the door open. A scene that felt too familiar flashed in front of him – Hoseok sitting on top of a man who wasn’t him and playing with the buttons of his shirt.

He sees as Hoseok looks up and there’s an horrified expression on his face before he quickly gets up and tries to reach him but Kihyun is already leaving, almost running towards the exist.

Hoseok stops him before he exists the corridor, grabbing his arm to turn him around.

“Kihyun.” He says, his eyes closed and still not letting go of his arm. Which is good, because he would have left.

“Let me go.”

“Kihyun, it’s my job.” Hoseok presses harder.

“I know.” He takes a deep breath. He _knows_. “Let me go.”

“We need to talk about this.” His grip on Kihyun’s arm loosens, but he doesn’t let go of him.

“There’s nothing to talk about – it’s your job and that’s it. I just came to say hello but you know I have to be at the lab tomorrow morning, so I’ll get going.” He fakes a smile that Hoseok doesn’t buy.

“We have a date tomorrow.” Hoseok says, as if to remind Kihyun. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”

“Sure.” Kihyun nods, the drink from before threatening to escape past his throat. “See you tomorrow.”

Hoseok hesitates, but he finally lets go of his arm. It’s red and there’s probably going to be a bruise tomorrow, but he’s finally free and quickly exists the club, throwing up the Disaronno as soon as he turns around the first corner.

 

Kihyun cancels the date. He texts Hoseok briefly about being stuck in the lab and Hoseok proposed picking him after and sleeping over at his flat, but he rejected that too, alleging he just wanted to go home and rest, too tired for anything else. It’s not a lie, though.

Kihyun knows he’s being petty – that Hoseok’s job consisted of that as well, but the thought of him doing the things he did to him to someone else wouldn’t leave his mind, and the unsettling feeling that came along would ghost him throughout the entire day.

It goes on like this for two weeks before Hoseok explodes and confronts him one day after he’s finished his assignment and ready to pick the subway to go back home.

Hoseok was leaning against his parked Maserati, stuffed in a long, brown coat. Kihyun had already made another 20 excuses by the time he’s approached him.

“You’re avoiding me.” Hoseok states the obvious.

“Am not.” He lies. “I’m just busy.”

“Like hell you are.” Hoseok snaps back. He looks angry and annoyed, but not at Kihyun. “Let’s go eat, we really need to talk.”

“I’m tired, Hoseok.” He whines, stepping back when the older man tries to grab his hand.

“So you’re going to keep being like this until when exactly? Are you 10?”

Kihyun sighs. He turns around the car and opens the passenger’s seat door, getting inside. Hoseok does the same just one second after, starting the car even before Kihyun has fastened his seat belt.

There’s some J-rock song playing through the speakers that Kihyun recalls having heard once or twice before, in Hoseok’s car too. He parks near Myeongdong, the street-music can be heard even if they are still far away, and Kihyun can see the crowd of people through the window.

Hoseok heaves a sigh.

“I am going to quit.”

Kihyun turns around so fast he almost dislocates his neck.

“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re not going to quit just because I-”

“Shut up.” Hoseok interrupts him, clearly not in the mood to deal with Kihyun’s shit. “And listen to me for once.”

“Go on.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while already, that I should quit.” He tilts his head to look at Kihyun. “I haven’t been with anyone since I started being with you, except that day. I didn’t even think about it until I saw you, it hit me then.”

“Hoseok, I’m not jealous. It’s not about jealousy, I know you like me and it’s just money, so it’s okay.”

“But it’s not okay.” Hoseok grabs Kihyun’s hand and squeezes it between his palms. “I feel sick whenever I think of you with someone else.”

“There’s no one else.” Kihyun replies quickly. There wasn’t anyone before meeting Hoseok, now there’s even less.

“I know.” Hoseok sighs again. “I’ll keep up the striptease for a while longer, though, I have a contract. But I won’t sleep with anyone – it’s not like I did it much and I don’t even need that money.”

“Hoseok.” He tugs at Hoseok hand to make him look at him. “Are you sure about this? I swear if it’s because of me there’s no need.”

“It is, indeed, because of you.” His lips curve into a shy smile. “But because I only want to be with you.”

Kihyun swears his heart bursts an artery or two at that.

“Good.” He pulls Hoseok to kiss him. “Because I only want to be with you, too.”

“Good.” Hoseok smiles even wider, his eyes disappearing into crescents. “But you’re a little prick who should talk to me instead of avoiding me like the plague.”

Kihyun gives him an apologetic smile.

“You know I’m stupid, I’m really sorry. Next time I will tell you how I feel instead of just shutting myself down.”

“You better.” Hoseok pokes his ribs. “Let’s go dinner? It’s been a while since I came here.”

Kihyun pulls Hoseok into another kiss before they leave the car.

 

 

**Kihyun**

Are you free?

**Hoseok <3**

I’m actually very expensive but for you I’ve always been free

**Kihyun**

Goodbye.

**Hoseok <3**

Nooooooo

Ki >:((((

Babyyy

**Kihyun**

Smh

Anyways, are you up to anything

**Hoseok <3**

No, I’m just sprawled on the couch

The show starts in like, 2 hours

**Kihyun**

Good :>

Open the door.

 

Kihyun grins when a very confused Hoseok opens the door, letting him in inside the dressing room.

“Ki? What are you doing here?” he asks, pleasantly surprised. “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not.” He says, which is not far away from the truth.

He laughs when Hoseok’s expression turns into a one full of concern. God, Kihyun is so whipped for him that it hurts.

“Don’t laugh! What’s wrong? Are you sick? Does it hurt somewhere?” he asks, pressing his palm against Kihyun’s forehead to check if he had a fever and tossing him around, probably looking for a broken limb.

“It hurts here.” He grabs Hoseok’s hand and presses it against his very obvious hard-on. Hoseok snorts so loud that Kihyun almost goes deaf.

“Fuck off!” he yells, pushing Kihyun, but he’s laughing too.

“Well, I was thinking we could do another type of fucking?”

“Ki, I have to dance later.” Hoseok says, but he doesn’t stop Kihyun when he corners him against the couch.

“Double the fun for that booty.”

Any quirky remarks that Hoseok might have possibly think of die at the tip of his tongue when Kihyun holds his chin and kisses him, pushing his tongue inside and giving a tentative lick at Hoseok’s. He moans at that.

“You are such a tease.” Hoseok pants when he kisses every mole and spot on his torso, leaving a longer smooch on the mole next to his navel, which happened to be his most favourite thing in the world (after Hoseok’s ass).

“And you are so damn pretty.” Kihyun retorts back, digging his teeth lightly into his collarbone and dragging them, scratching the flesh. Hoseok squirms and whines, his hands lost in Kihyun’s peachy strands.

“Said who.” Hoseok breathes out, as he traces Kihyun’s arms and chest. “You’re so tiny.”

Kihyun makes a face.

“I’m not tiny! You’re just really big.”

“But you still take it all inside your mouth.”

Kihyun chokes on air at that, only for a second after to think that he would like to choke on something else as well.

Not missing the mischievous sparkle on Hoseok’s eyes, he decides to be a little more of a tease.

“I’ll let you fuck my mouth.” He whispers against the older’s ear, sucking on his earlobe. Hoseok had the prettiest ears he’s ever seen in his entire life.

Now, Hoseok is the one to almost choke on air. Kihyun plays with the headband of his sweatpants, teasing with his hand as if he was going to shove it inside, but remains out of it. Hoseok complains and forces Kihyun’s hand against his crotch, which throbs against his palm when something _finally_ touches it.

“This is your fault.” He says, breathlessly. “Look at how hard I am for you.”

Kihyun’s blood sets on fire as if it was gasoline.

Unceremoniously, he yanks the pants down and takes the throbbing cock inside his mouth, making sure to coat it well with his saliva before he looks up to meet Hoseok’s gaze and nods his head, allowing him to bury his fingers inside his hair and move his hips.

Kihyun _does_ choke on his dick a few times, his gag-reflex acting up when Hoseok bucks further and it hits the back of his throat, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t love the weight of Hoseok’s cock on his tongue, feeling it twitch and grow harder against his mouth. It did things to his own cock.

Hoseok whimpers when Kihyun shoves two fingers inside his own mouth along with his cock for a few seconds before he pushes one, then two, up his butthole. He finger-fucks and scissors him hard and with a diligent pace, almost making Hoseok come when he palms his balls as well with his remaining hand. He was using everything he could to please Hosok and it felt too damn well.

“Fuck, Kihyun.” He moans, throwing his head back.

Kihyun grins as he pulls the cock out of his mouth with a noisy ‘pop’ sound, a trail of saliva connecting his lips and the glistening shaft. It’s so dirty that Kihyun gets even harder.

“That’s the plan, baby.” He says, sitting on the couch and bringing Hoseok down, making him sit on his lap and take his member inside.

It sends shivers down Kihyun’s spine. Hoseok’s still as tight as ever and he – god, he clenches around him and Kihyun’s out of breath for a few seconds.

“Fuck, fuck. Don’t do that, I can’t-”

Hoseok kisses his neck, sucking and licking as he rides Kihyun, supporting himself with both feet on the floor.

Kihyun feels the orgasm building up too soon inside of him, so he pulls out and pushes Hoseok down on the couch, putting both of his legs on his shoulders and he pushes back. The angle seems to be much better because Hoseok’s voice goes ten tones higher and he grabs Kihyun’s back to press him harder against his chest.

“Ki, I-I’m going to-”

“Me too.” Kihyun gives a particular harder suck on Hoseok’s neck, which makes him moan and clench again and that’s it for the both of them. Pumping his own cock, Hoseok comes between their bodies and Kihyun comes inside, his hips bucking slower as he rides out his orgasm.

He throws the condom he’s rolled on somewhere in the middle and tosses it to the nearest trash can, under a table full of Hoseok’s make-up.

“I fucking hate you.” Hoseok says, still with both legs spread and out of breath. “I’m so not going to be able to dance after this.”

Kihyun chuckles after leaving a short peck on his thigh.

“Stop whining and get ready, you’ve got 15 minutes before the performance.”

“Are you staying?” Hoseok gets up from the couch and leaves a kiss on the top of Kihyun’s head that makes butterflies flutter in his tummy, like a whole high-school boy.

“Yeah.” Kihyun puts on his clothes as well. “I wanted to treat you to dinner afterwards.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Hoseok laughs, sitting in front of the mirror to apply his make-up. They’ve been going on dates for more than three months already, but it stills has Kihyun’s legs turning to jelly.

“I am indeed.” With a soft kiss on his cheek, Kihyun sits on the couch again and watches as Hoseok gets ready.

 

 

They go back to the first chicken BBQ they ever went together, back when Kihyun was brave enough to ask Hoseok out even when he was poor and had nothing to offer. Now thinking about it, they have come really far and Kihyun is, maybe, a bit in love with him.

Hoseok seems to remember because his eyes lit up at the sight and he literally glows. It makes Kihyun’s heart almost burst out with happiness.

They order more or less the same – four dishes of chicken and a whole bunch of side dishes as well (Kihyun has learnt that Hoseok has a soft spot for side dishes, he orders at least 7 each time).

“Do you wanna go for a walk after?” Kihyun asks once the food is already on the table and Hoseok is grilling the chicken.

“Sure.” Hoseok puts wraps the first piece of chicken on a seaweed and motions for Kihyun to open his mouth, feeding him. “There’s something I wanna tell you actually.”

“Me too.” Replies Kihyun, nervous about whatever is that the other man wants to tell him.

Kihyun pays for the food (no matter how much Hoseok had _insisted_ ) and interlocks their fingers as they walk into the park.

It’s exactly the same as it was when he met Hoseok, almost a year ago. Time surely flies.

“What did you want to tell me?” Kihyun asks, rubbing his thumb in circles against Hoseok’s palm.

“I quitted today.” He says, smiling widely at him. “It was my last show, my contract ended today.”

“Really?” Kihyun asks, but he’s not sure whether that’s a good thing. “But-”

“I’m still a dance teacher at the academy, and it’s a rather expensive one so I earn a lot. Besides-” his smile grows even wider, Kihyun thinks he has the sun right in front of him. “I was offered another job.”

“Huh?”

“A back-up dancer. At the idol company where Hyungwon’s working, I received the offer just today and I was so excited that it took all of me not to call you right there, but I wanted to tell you face to face.”

“Oh my god, Seok, that’s amazing.” Kihyun smiles too, and he leaves his hand to cup his cheeks and kiss him, allowing himself to leave a fair sort of pecks after and indulging in Hoseok’s blushed cheeks. “I’m happy and proud of you.”

“Thank you.” Hoseok smiles again, this time shyly. He’s happy and proud of himself too, and Kihyun couldn’t be happier. “I actually feel very much more comfortable with this job, and I’m actually really excited – I love dancing.”

“Gotta save up for all those idols’ concerts I’m going to have to attend to see my baby dancing.” Kihyun laughs and Hoseok laughs with him.

When the laughter dies, Kihyun’s heart starts racing as he remembers what was what he wanted to tell Hoseok too. He’s so nervous that he think he could pass out at any moment.

“Hoseok.” He says, pulling at his hand so that he stops walking.

“Yes?”

He takes a deep breath. _Okay, Kihyun, you’ve practiced this many times before in front of the mirror, you can do it._

“Do you want to go out with me?”

Hoseok frowns.

“Aren’t we going out already?”

“I mean as in – if you want to date me. Officially. If you want to be my boyfriend.”

Hoseok’s mouth turns into a perfect ‘o’ and the silence starts eating Kihyun alive. If he was going to reject him he could at least make it quick.

“I never thought I would ever be asked this and I would feel such at ease about it.” Hoseok says, as he fidgets with his hands. “Yeah, Ki, I do want to be your boyfriend.”

Kihyun blinks. Did he-

“Are you okay?” Hoseok snaps his fingers in front of him, laughing. “Did you see a ghost?”

“No, I’m just in shock, I thought you would reject me.” Kihyun sincerely admits. His heart is beating so loud that he can hear it thumping on his ears.

“Well, I didn’t. I want to be your boyfriend.” He repeats, nuzzling nose against nose. “Do you want to be mine?”

“I mean, I asked you out. One could guess I want to be your boyfriend as well.”

“You’re no fun.” Hoseok pokes his cheeks before kissing him.

They didn’t need to tell each other ‘I love you’ for them to know, and Kihyun is the happiest.

 

It’s two months later that Hoseok starts working at the idol company and Kihyun graduates. He’s offered a job at the university lab after, to do some research about the chemicals in the human brain and their correlation to happiness. It’s all Kihyun has ever wanted – to graduate, find a job in a health-related field, and Hoseok. Researching about chemicals that contribute to the well-being and happiness, Kihyun remembers telling Minhyuk how he’d have to make his own serotonin and how he’s found it in Hoseok, and there is no way he would ever let go.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it till here, thank you for reading ❤️


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